Self-Indulgence

2007-04-07T01:20:00.000+08:00

THIS BLOG HAS MOVED.

toWn. Town. Bugis. Town.

2007-03-25T16:03:00.000+08:00

WILL BE BACK ONCE FUN IS OVER:)

Movie

2007-03-16T23:05:00.000+08:00

Stomp The Yard was the sex baby! okey. It sounds so cliche.
But goddamnit! It's great.a must watch-pythons. Wolves. love. Sacrifice. Breakdancing. Hot bods. Gosh. Pleasure to the eye.

Quote this: Intelligence & Character is the key for true education; the message behind the movie.
Went out Razman, Upinder, Firaj to watch the movie, hanged ot at LJ with Moheson, Selen then to the Esplanade with Nad and Ros.We all assumed Arief that drummer slenger friend would come but he did not. Kns.
Then we chatted then went home. Oh yes. It's Razman's B'day today. Bought him a muffin from F&A.
Happy BIRRRTHDAY. Smiles:) :)

blast.

2007-03-15T17:04:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a blast. Yes. Despite the fact that I've got this severe headache on the left side of my head and the fact that I actually vomiited i front of Firaj after we both alighted from the bus. YES. Pure embarassment. :/ but so what, he has to see the ugly side of me so that, if. If we ever settle down one day -god willingly, then, that will not be an issue anymore. But despite all that gewy stuff and large amount of fluid that I let out, it was, one of the happy times and doubly tiring moents of my life spent with you.

Firaj and I went out (again) since yesterday was his last paper and he wanted to get some fresh air at town. Okay. Irony.

Met him at Kembangan, took train to Lavender I think-I didn't actually took notice of thestation. Then, we quickly headed down to Beach Road to check out some black bermudas he's been wanting since 35241542321 days. we caught this nice black bermudas with some printing on it. _$39.90. urmph... Not to his budget.
So, we loooooked around and around. Nothing that caught his eye.

So, we went for lunch at the coffeeshop at the level below the shops. Chicken rice super nice. Two thumbs up!

went to Bugis. same old things, check out for bermudas and a black "something" like a top for me (i just don't know how to explain it.). But, yes, nothing again seems different and unique that caught our attention.

Then, we went to Far East-nothing there. So, i gave up in finding this black "top" and decided to get something from Topshop or Forever 21.But I still can't make up my mind.

So, we walked from Zara to Forever 21 then to Toipshop at last! And bought a top there.

We headed back home because it's really really late. Thank you Fir for accompanying me today. I know i suck at finding a top for myself. <3

Going to movies tmr with Razman and friends.

YAYNESSS

2007-03-13T16:24:00.000+08:00

Exams are officially so back of my head.

I'm free!

this means more nose digging, more ear waxing, more snoring.
and more more outings with my love onEs.
:)

Surabaya Restaurant.

2007-02-10T20:41:00.000+08:00

Well it has been long since i last updated.

On the 10th Feb 2007:
Didn't go jog yesterday :(
Instead, went to indulge myself with foooood. :)

Got a called from mum yesterday to go join my family eat dinner and jalan-jalan at Orchard. I have the Tangs Voucher, and the date of expiry is coming to an end.. So it'll be a goood Opportunity to go grab something. :) :)

The call was made at 5.30pm. Gosh.
So it was kinda rushing.. I haven't completed my ETP PPT and all.. So, decided to sleepover at my Aunt's place later after dinner.

So, Firaj tagged along. It's been long since we went out together like this. The last time was.... Sentosa and that Thai Restaurant at Changi Airport..hurrrr.

So ya, met Firaj at Orchard MRT then met my family at Taka Waterfall or wtvr you call that.
And it was 8pm already. :/

So, we went to Luck Plaza and mum suggested the Surabaya Restaurant since we have not tried the food there.

YUMM X 1000000....

It was uber delicious. ReallY!! - The chicken is tender, the rice is nice, there are these little crisps... Drinks... FUH!
a pleasure to the tongue.
It's great really, and the price is reasonable too.
So try it.

Then, after that, we decided to go CK tangs to finish up my voucher.
But it was close, i mean it's 9.30pm.. :( :( :(

then, we made our way to Mc Cafe outside Lido.. Settle down with dad and Firaj while my mom and the maid and sis went to change Darwisy's diapers.

Ordered hot chocolates for both me and Firaj and black coffee for Dad.
I must question, how people can love coffee.
I'm all in favour of Mocha Frapps and Cappucino.. but not the all coffee taste. eeew.
Still remember about the sTarbucks incident with Firaj, Roy, Faz and Ais.. Ordered this Americano something.. GOsh :X i've not nothing to say but a waste of $$$.

Then.. ,then.. we all went back home and i did my ETP PPT since the presentation is today.
We pulled it through but not ENTIREly.
Still, now, (a sigh of relief.) ETP's so back of our heads.

Now, the burden and the only hope is EVM presentation. I know. That's an irony.

you.

2007-01-29T18:06:00.000+08:00

The fact that ive written 2 posts, shows that what a huge impact you had on me, and have kept me thinking these past 3 days till date.

i learnt that even though your intention is to find ways to solve the problems, do not tell others the name of the problem maker. Because that is part of membuka keaiban. And it is Wrong.

To whoever concern,
You shouldn't have told your disagreement regarding a particular issue in your group to someone outside.

They don't know the real story.
And it is going to make matters worst.

Instead, you should have confided among your group members, Be it good or bad.

It all comes to one word: COURAGE.

Ouch.

2007-01-29T15:45:00.000+08:00

If you think that I'll be fine with it,
Then You're so wrong.

And what's worst?
You only listen to one side of the story and already asking that person to grow up?

Good and loyal friends do not keep quiet when something is bad.

They talk things out in hoping that things will be much better.

Change your perceptions about good and royal friends please.

And if the idea was bad.Why did they still go with it.. Throughout the event?

In my opinion. You are wrong.

1) By interfering with my group's issue. I know you lend a listening ear. But do you think that actually listening to one side of the story helps the situation?

2) You don't ask people to grow up.You don't know the real issue that is going on.

3) And you don't say sorry after what've been said.

Instead, if you really want to help, the best way is to listen to all sides of the story, then come together and discuss it.

Don't you think so?

The fact is, you shouldn't have blogged that way.And then thinking that I will be fine and not dwell about this.

I treasure you and your intentions. But you need to think deeper.

The fact that you said sorry, after those words, makes me feel that you're not even making things better.

Instead, i feel so inconsistent.

DEAD.

2007-01-28T16:28:00.000+08:00

You're killing me softly.
And I'm left here to bleed.

What Life Has To Offer

2007-01-22T13:43:00.000+08:00

I've been keeping this for a long time already. Since we've all decided to become ONE.
But I guess, you took "ONE" for granted. Instead, I'm the Only One in this. In this whole array of trauma you've lead me into.

I thank you for giving me the opportunity to feel the burden that life has to offer.
if things don't go as planned, do not put me as the blame. Put it on yourselves for being passive.

That's for that.

Now,my event is barely 2 days away. I'm feeling the anxiety already. And yet there are still so many things to be done.
1) The set up of banner Tomorrow.
2) The printing of flyers.
3) The distributions of flyers.
4) The printing of posters.
5) The location of posters.
6) The back stage design.
7) The script for the MC.
8) The seats.

There. The burden.The traumatic attempt to finish all these by tomorrow.
Yet, we are still being in our own world. Thinking that everything will go as planned.

I wanna move you. So that you'll be able to make things happen.
But i guess, i'll just settle here, at this very corner. And watch you as you sway and dance to the rhythm of your illusions. Illusions that everything will be A-okay.
I wish I could do this all. And not wait for your response. But then again, This is a group project. Urgh. Blame me on my jitters.

The final issue: The Lysander in Midsummer's Night Dream.-For those taking Lit before.
Even if you think that you've changed, then, why didn't I feel at home, like I used to when I'm with you?

I start questioning myself again. At the same time, you bugged me with all your beggings to get back with me. And I'll start to feel all sympathetic for you, Neglecting whatever I feel.

You think you can get back with me by your promises and that sweet smile of yours? You think 3 days is enough to see you change? Accept this: I'm not ready to have your presence here with me.

I can't feel your presence here

2007-01-18T10:07:00.000+08:00

Today marks another ANNIVERSARY of Firlin.
How time flies without we realising it. It's just so amazing how we both can actually be together this long. (i thank the Almighty).
I thank HIM because, he has given me this opportunity to have come across Firaj. For I believe that it is always a blessing to meet someone new. Everyone is unique in their own ways. (it sounds so cliche)

But it's really saddening to announce that this month's anniversary is different from our usual but special happy anniversaries. In other words, we used to treasure the memories we had and talked about it during our celebration. But, i guess, now, everything is in the past already.

Everything that we once shared, or treasured, or gone through, the special yet sentimental bond that we've created, are all in our past now.

Me and him are going through a separation.
To amend what's wrong and to give each other some time to reflect on ourselves, so that mistakes will not be repeated again.

Hopefully, (i don't know how long this is going to take) we will be a more better individual if we ever decided to start all over again.
There's a possibility we will start from where we've stop. But, it's hard to say.

It's really not easy to say goodbye to this long special connection we've created.
Believe me.

I guess, i take this separation, as a fall , a downturn of every part of a relationship cum friendship thing.

i hope and pray that everything will be fine one day.

I knw it's really hard for you.

i lay my head On yours.

2007-01-15T00:23:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow,or shall I say, TODAY will be the submission of two major projects: ETP and EVM. gosh. and i'm still cracking up to do this. I think i caused more brain cells damaged compared to them. So whatever. Like anybody cares.
hAIL GOD, SAVE ME.

It's like everything that revolves around me are using details to just get out of the loop hole.

And everything is soo jammed. and soo fast moving.
In 3 weeks time, my group is holding the LOCAL ANAESTHESIA rock gig in my school, consisting of A Vacant Affair, WEst grand Boulevard, Syak's friends band- AS December Dies, ilah's friends-Belle's Vendetta and Firaj's- Confessions of Amylia.

Gosh. correction: 2 MORE WEEKS!!. how fast is that.Plus, we only manage to find one sponsor. URGH... :/ and lots more important stuff to think and prepare.

I really believe in fate and my groups' effort now.
I'm sure doing things that I've never done in life. My pace of life is so fast. Really.

I hope I'll ace it.

That's just like 40% of rants.

Getting back on track:
I'm still doing my EVM and ETP project now. Urgh. Can't believe I'm not sleeping due to the amount of OVERDUED work. Huh... How i envy some people who just get the chance of experiencing the feeling of "having a rest".

Gosh. ijust dislike how some people work their way, so that they'll get the comfort at the end and puts a burrrden on someone else's.
How human can be so APPRECIATIVE to one another.
That's a fact. Face it.

I'm ending with a qoute: DO NOT BE A PASSIVE PARTICIPANT IN LIFE. YOU'RE THE DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE.

If Anybody Cares

2007-01-11T19:57:00.000+08:00

I'm cracking my head just to see the BRIGHT LIGHT at the end.
Do you care?
Do you care if i'm in a claustrophobic state?
DO YOU?.

You are depending on me, so that you'll get to the BRIGHT LIGHT at the end of the day.
And when you already found it, you left me astray.
ASTRAY.

You thank me and walk away.

I'm visioning all these.

P.O.G outing

2006-12-15T11:59:00.000+08:00

it's like a practice for us(P.O.G) to go out on an outing every month. It's going to be something like a tradition. okey. So, as usual, we picked a date and go out. ALL of us. So yes. 8th December was the chosen date. The plan was to go to SEoul Garden at 2pm and had our lunch then go Jalan jalan around everywhere..
But,I and Ilah, and last minute Syak decided not to skip the Seoul Garden at Taka and joined them later because we wanted to save money and I NEED to get something to add ons to the barangs that I already have. So last minute, we went to meet up at Somerset MRT station, since I and Firaj have already planned to get the Havaianas sandals we both wanted. So yada yada, Ilah was late for nearly and hour.. Hurh. Typical. lols.

the first stop was to go to Heerens to check out the sandal while waiting for FiRaj to arrive. Then, after that, went touring around Heeren..To Wisma Topshop and Forever 21, since i want to gat the tops, To Far East... Lunch at Taman Ros.

It was another fun outing. Crappy people, blur people.- A contribution to the GReat cum Funny outing.
Then, finally (a silent YaY!) fiRaj came.. Went around Far East, to look at the Machine Shop...then went to Heeren (again), this time actually purchasing the sandals. well,I wanted to get teh bronze sandal but Firaj's feeet was huge, so we decided to settle on the ones we decided as our 2nd choice. Haha.

after that, got a call from the alraedy full sEoul Garden eaters to meet up. They decided to go Airport since hasyim and Hafiz are going to India for teh Voluntary work and stuff. To me, i felt like the P.O.G outing is better off if they didn't go to the Airport, but instead hang around with us. (filin, Ilah, Syak). But since Yazid's closest bud is Hasyim, we decided that it's best that Yazid sends him off.
now, it's left with us again(fiRlIn, Syak and Ilah). we thought tht Airport might be too far, and guess we wanted to just spend our time at town. So, we didn't proceed on with the rest to the airport.

we headed towards Esplanade. Sigh:/ There is nothing much in Singapore actually.
It's at night and i'm hungry already.. Bumped into Syak's friend.. Talked. No. I mean, she talked to them while Ilah, me and Firaj sat down. FiRaj and I were playing back the memories we had on our 1st date at the Esplanade. I can only describe that night as BEAUTIFUL. huh...... How time flies.

Okey, then we went to BK, ate and laughed. Oh yes, Syak's mucus fell again. HAHAHAHA. It was like, everytime she gets over excited, the mucus just could'nt stop flowing.laugh.

Then, took pictures.. and pictures. then, went back HOME.

The PLACE

2006-11-24T12:19:00.000+08:00

On the 19th of November 2006:
Never have my sundays be this INTERESTING. MEMORABLE.EXCITING. yadda yadda...
It has ALWAYS been the after religious class-go Jogging-sunday.

but then, today seems different. in a lot of ways.

After religious class, went out with Syak,Firaj and Ilah.. To the PLACE. i Brought them there to open up their world to Vintage. Vintage. and Vintage. and ulu streets. where we took pics. Will upload some of it Soon- once when Syak gets over the memory card issue.

WEll, we went to search out for shops at the PLACE, walk.and walk.and walk.Then syak said she brought camera. YAY! then suggested we took pics. haha. then go all Crazy.. road pics were the nicest. and that Haunted Gate to a certain shop...haha.

Then went to Marina Square to eat dinner at the food court upstairs. My dad introduced me to it long time ago when i and him went out to watch Final destination tgr. :) :) okeyh. so that was on eof the many other daughter and dad outings. He's Coool. and pretty much, i dare say, different from my friend's dads.. okey. i'm not continuing..

So we ate Nasi Lemak. It was damn nice. i tell you!
it was like, we are going all BUDGETARIAN on that day.. <3.
then, after that, went to Esplanade, sitting at the bay, enjoying the night breeze.. Calming.. Sanctuary.
Then took pics again. :) :) :). thanks to Syak's camera.. Hahs. chatted. about the first dates and all.

went back home after that. I was reluctant. I wanna stay LONGER. But, i need to be home and there's Schoooool Tmr. drats.

Took pictures INSIDE the Esplanade. of structures... then. yes. we went home.

To wrapped things up, it was a great.

Coming Back to the Right Path

2006-11-23T10:53:00.000+08:00

A friend told me this," The Only reason GOD is allowing you to still stand on HIS Earth is beacuse HE is ONly Giving you a chance to repent and that He STILL loves you."

okey. that really made me feel better. You see, it's like you're doing this sins without realising how WRONG it is. and after that, you came to a stop. to realise that you just did the sins you shouldn't do. How Normal can that be?

I don't know. It's like I NEEEEED to be back on track again. It's been long since i last came back. as a proper someone.

Searching for Someone.

2006-11-23T10:36:00.000+08:00

I'm searching
For a confidante
To let out everything i've kept
All this while
i'm feeling so sinned.

i Need Guidance from HIM.

MouthShut

2006-11-07T13:21:00.000+08:00

i kept my mouth shut for too long.
I'm feeling lost when I'm in your arms.

distance AwaY.

2006-11-07T12:56:00.000+08:00

my hair is driving me to Insanity Lane.
now that I can officially wash it, it turns out BAD.
Well. Not bad-bad. but just Bad.
It's like it starts to bent outwards and all. No more straight down.

okey. so wtvR. i'll save more money and try to do something with this hair of mine.

yesterday was okey. manageable. till the end of the day. when everything starts to fall.

you made me feel that i've made the wrong choice.
To have met You.
and took you in.
You're no longer the SPECIAL someone i have always regard.

-A BEAUTIFUL LETDOWN-

i'm alone on the dance floor now.

stain.

2006-11-02T10:39:00.000+08:00

So i've painted my nails BLACK. again.

And everytime i paint my nails black, i feel so secured. that's just the weird mE.
and i'm thinking of getting red nail polish too. just to boost my self esteem. and Yes. be a lil crazy.

oh how i miss ALLy. and lingam. and Timmay. and Mukksy.
but furreal. i missed Ally.
it's just too bad that everytime we decided to go out, i'm always busy. and SHE. being ALICIA SIAW WEI ZHEN. will always inform me with her LAST minute plans and made me feel that i'm such a bad turn-out fren cos i failed to meet her.

but nonetheless, i'll be meeting her this Friday. For a drink at Starbucks i hopr. at HOLLAND V.. cross my fingers and close my eyes...

and at the end of the month, it's me, Ally and that kotekboy going all gogogagagugugugegege spending our money on new stuffs. yadda yadda. i need her when i'm doing the gogogagagugugege. well, yeah. i will never have Enuf.

okey then. i'm going to search for red nail polish.
oh yes. i've straightened out my frizzy hair.. and i feel like just cutting it to like some crazy hairdo . yar. like i dun care. wtVr. but, on reality basis, i can now swing my hair like nobody's business.

hmhmhuhuhu. 3 fingers on my heart for you. <3

HELLO!

2006-10-09T13:49:00.000+08:00

Zzzt, zzzt.
INTRUDER ALERT.

I have posted an entry on Azz's behalf.
Thanks for last Saturday. It was great. It could've been much more better if more people came. Then I can also make more new friends, HAHAHA. Please be better with Mosh =D Cos both of you are so cute. HAHAHA. Ooops. We'll go out again, like this Friday (maybe). Happy 17th birthday once again, LOVE YOUSZSXSZSX.

Okay I'm out.
Zzzt.

my iDioT

2006-07-26T15:36:00.000+08:00

The fact is, i STILL DO LOVE MY IDioT. no Matter what he Does.
No matther how many times he has Disappoint me.
If you're Reading this, IdioT, i will Always keep u in my hEart.
For i Don't wish to end this BeautiFul thing we ShareD.
Tc. My Mushroom....<3

pardon Me

2006-07-24T15:25:00.000+08:00

Those HUMANS out there who have been bugging me to blog...
Hi (:
well. i know that ive not been blogging for way long time.
I have my reasons behind it. And that is TIME. I'm way too busy with schools, my life and my family that i'm actually unable to blog.
But still, (imagining me with the three fingers up as a swearing sign) i promise to blog when i'm perfectly free and things are getting so perfect on my side.
To those who knew, things are slowly picking up the pace btwn me and MUM.
And, the reason why i practically don't blog this yera, on Specifically from the day i changed my skin is because I can only depend on my BLACK BOOK where i write almost everything that occurs in my life. Because. My mom won't know about it.
in other words, my mom knows i have a blog and she'll probably read it and i will not feel secure anymore. But hey. i have no issues with my mom now. But on the whole, to keep it short and sweet,
I WON't BE BLOGGING TILL I FEEL THAT EVERYTHING's FINE AND SMOOTH ON MY SIDE.
To My peeps(especially the SLuts Inc), just pardon me. and for the days that you guys thought i'm undergoing p.m.s, well i'm not. im actually doing some self reflection. So, i tend to feel wanting to be alone and not that HYper anymore. But, as the days pass, i hope that i can become Hyper again. well yeah..
i think i'll end here. I'll blog some more when i feel like it. There are just too many words trapped in me.

pain

2005-09-11T23:34:00.000+08:00

the pain pierces
your heart
like thorns in your hand
it scrapes
it blisters
it scorches.
and all that's left is memory.

reality

2005-09-10T16:49:00.000+08:00

Reality?
Just think.
letting us all want what we already have.
instead of showing us the impossible dream
(which is just that teeny bit out of grasp)
and making us want it so badly.
that it just eats away at us
day and night, night and day.
until we turn into empty shells
nothing but a life- support system.
(of terribly twisted thoughts)
for the hopeless dream that lies within.
just think.
- woommmen-

god

2005-09-09T17:55:00.000+08:00

I'll get this news that the person who once cared and appreciated me had already found another.OUCH. That news has come up ever so often i wonder if i'll ever manage to get off the black hole i fell into.
- womeN-
So long and good nite......

hunted.

2005-09-05T21:40:00.000+08:00

mosh.Mosh.mosh.MOsH.MosH.MOSh.Mosh.mosh.Mosh.moSh.MosH.mosH.Mosh.moSh.MosH.
MosH.MosH.mosh.MosH.moSh.MosH.moSH.mOsH.mosh.mosh.Mosh.moSh.Mosh.Mosh.MosH.
MosH.moSh.moSH.moSH.moSH.mOsH.moSh.mosH.mOsH.mOsh.Mosh.MoSH.mOsh.MosH.MosH.
To Mosh: i think i shouldn't have met you for lack of better things to say. Because you made me feel good when i'm with you. But i'm a pessimist. So it may not work.
To moSh: i guess feelings are supposed to be kept hidden huh?
to Mosh: ijustnidyoutobebymysidelikeuusedto.andallthosejokesyoumade.andallthosetimeswehad..ihope.it won't just be another memory of yours.

re-opening of the dementor's house

2005-06-27T15:20:00.000+08:00

the demon has passed away, leaving the angels to call upon the dementors to open up the doors today. This time round, the dementors are not seen as an evil trying to rip off our sanity but seen more like an angel.. a lil bit devil-ish here and there. But can handle.
school has start again. am i looking forward to it? no. at least not today. stilll suffering from the wanting-more-hols syndrome. i'm not quite prepared to be in my uniform and actually participating in all those lessons. dread. pardonmeformystuckinthedrainlanguagebut..mywords need time to flow out.smoothly.okey, let me try it out again.

My very first day after the June hols started off with the welcoming aura from the school itself. no. not the human species but the building.The goddamn non-living thing has surprisingly made me feel welcome. in a way.. Buildings are NO LONGER(thk god!) that old beigy colour any more. well, there is still lots of beige.. but guess wat? it has more colours added to it. like a lil dark peach..more towards the orangy side..and green. dark green. i don't favour these colours that much, but to actually ponder as to how these colours are able to make the sch seem more brite and most importantly, making it seem like a more learning environment have allowed me to appreciate these colours.Prefects meeting kept my day going. Meeting starts at 7.10 a.m..briefing about the Home Room system..(i'll come to that later)..and just plain briefing.. and an introduction of Aslinda Jhan who has recently join the Prefectorial Board. To quick to say, but i think i better say this in case i forget it during my complicated pathway of life.. i think, i mean, i got this strong feeling that she's gonna be a good one. as in, maybe like me alil..lol. but i can assure you that she will be very determined(like Don)..confident..and capable (tht is If there is no one in the board to pull her away from that way of life. Then, we went to the hall..
mygod!!teenagers nowadays ARE spoilt dun u think? or shoud i say..CONFUSED? lets swerve away a lil.. Some of the students dun even noe how to pick hair colours. and not forgetting some of them who have OBVIOUSLY forgotten to check themselves in the mirror before thinking of having that hair cut or colour.gosh.. chifinefe..ape nak ckp kan? good brains. lousy fashion senselol.
i was keeping myself busy(surprisingly) by helping some prefects to pull students out during the talk in the hall. wait a min. i have now realised the reason as to why they slack. it's not like they dun no or can't find the purpose but THEY DUNNO HOW TO ASK A STUDENT TO COME OUT OR GREAT. SOME OF THEM JUST CAN"T OR SCARED TO HANDLE THOSE JUVENILE "coolies"..cool facts i found out huh? i'm not saying that i am capable to do that (which i somehow am..)but i just can't believe it. ade udang di sebalik batu rupenye...that was really an eye opener-to those who is willing to take note of course. oh. Aslinda's J senior is Sopheary. i dun fil good but hey. i think -"why not?" dier tk buat ape yg patot..mane tau kalau ade junior she will change? insya'allah.
did i miss out? i think yes. HOMEROOM SYSTEM. yesssss... it started today, 27 june 2005.
my opinion? it was pointless at first. i mean, why waste time to travel from one class to another rite? in 5 mins?.. i mean, think. we have to quickly pack our bags..greet the teacher.. do assignments quickly.. why dun the teachers just c'tinue the old system? teachers can arrive in class much faster as they dunnid to pack their stuffssss..
but come to think and actually experiencing it for one day, i think, "hey. this is not bad afterall" i mean. we can actually have a specific classroom for every subject and our files wun be scattered everywhere like in our one and only classroom. got it? but hey.. it is hectic, i must say. imagine travelling from the first floor to the fourth floor in 5 mins... and wats not quite worst..ALL LESSONS, except MT is going to be conducted in a duration of 2 HOURS. yep.2 hrs. it's kinda like JC style.. i think it may be a good point to have this two hour thing but i mean, as for me, i kinda want to exclude that for P.O.A. i mean, i used to be in class doing P.O.A. for one hour in the past and i actually imagine my brain cells showing me signs such as "you gotta end this quick!", 'I'm dying.." Oh no.. your nerves are gonna explode.." and stuffs like tht. try imagine me doing P.O.A for two hours. well, today's lesson ain't tht bad.. just minor recapping and all.. but i can feel my brains heart beat .. u noe like..dup-dup..dup-dup..dup-dup.. towards the end.. but luckily, i manage to make it thru. yay!. i think, i'm beginning to like this home room system.. it's kinda tiring..but look on Mr. Brightside.. it makes us more fit(in a way), more not-sleepy, more alert to wats happening... yup. i sure do like the system. About the two hour thang.. i am already saying to yes to it but.. i'll try to put that feeling during P.O.A lesson..ya. ill try.
oh. i forget to mention 2 things:
1) the Indian stall is closed..will be changing to a new stall vendor.
2) Mr shorrtie.and Mr cutethesaurus.
about Mr shortie, i saw him in the canteen during recess today. He saw me but i quickly looked away. because, i dun wish to let my emotions control me anymore. Like, in simpler words, i dun wanna make myself think about falling with a guy rite now. at least not nnow. no more thoughts about crushes and all. neah. that's my final say.
about Mr cutethesaurus.. he looked cute. honestly, with that botak hairstyle.. he really looked like the man who sang "i believe i can fly.." song... to add on, heis features just suit that hairstyle.. i mean, if i was still having feelings for him, i would have allow my self to really drool over him, badly. maybe, there is still a liiiiiitle bit of sparkle but, it will fade. soon. i hope. as i've said, i dun think this whole thing about falling for a guy is worth it. at least not now.

ended

2005-06-24T18:49:00.000+08:00

the holiday. June holiday.school holiday for the too young and the over aged. will soon be gone. as quickly as the blinking of the eye.the sunsets. the moon rises. the planet will move.3 days. one.
two.
three.
the burden of every student of the same human kind will breathe again.sadly. all the happiness and those relaxing time will eventually develop into a zygote of the hard core stress-as peeps may claimed.dwelling on it. dwelling on the fast pace of the holidays. dull. i wished time would obey me for once. and if i could take charge for making the time fly slowly, i would be glad..
sigh......................................................to brace myself to face and actually settle for the future is a challenge. O'level..Prelims.. Results.. daily live issue..the body..the face..mom..dad..sis..a whole lot of dready mornings..late nites of knowledge inputs..maths..2 hrs of sleep...diffused brain cells...sigh.....will i ever make it through?
yes. is not a definite answer to me."hopefully" is. i'll have to just leave it to the Al-Mighty.
4 months left. in fact 3. it's like actually imagining oneself to be suffering from cancer and thinking.. counting the days till we die.in this case,im counting the days to O'level and making sure that i have no regrets after i got my results. making sure that i won't be affected my the everyday happening is really hard. maybe, i should be starting to learn the art of ignoring now. and just live in a nutshell..of my own. the rest- i'll leave to the Al- mighty.
i beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. this is the dawning of the rest of our lives. this is our lives on facing the ending of holidays.

beloved

2005-06-23T21:52:00.000+08:00

Dear fungus,
Are you listening?
i can't remember a word that you were saying
Are we demented?
Or am i disturbed?
the space that is in between INSANE AND INSECURE
oh Therapy, can you please the void?
am i retarded?
or am i just overjoyed?
Nobody's PERFECT and i stand accused
for lack of a better word and that is my best excuse.
-Greenday-

23 june

2005-06-23T21:48:00.000+08:00

Dear Fungus,
Where have all the bastards gone? The underbelly stacks up ten high. The dummy failed the crash test, now collecting unemployment checks like a flunkie along for the ride. Where have all the riot gone as the city's motto gets pulverised?"What's in love is now in debt" on your birth certificate. So strike the fcuking match to light this fuse! The town bishop is an extortionist and he don't even know that you exist. Standing still when it's do or die , you better run for your fcuking life. It's not over till you're underground. it's not over before it's too late. this city's burning "it's not my burden." There is nothing left to analyze. Where will all the martyrs go when the virus cures itself? And where will we all go when it is too late?

22 june

2005-06-22T20:15:00.000+08:00

went to the beach (again) with Ais and Faz. Our purpose there was to catch up.. since we are in diff sch now.. and to just have fun.. man.. it was aGREAT day. not suntanning.. but swam.. unfortunately, got darker than the previous beach visit.. and skins peeling. i looked like i'm burnt or something.. then, headed down to Orchard, met Rai, ate.. chill at the Mc.. playing uno. i won three times out of countless game. it was reallyx5 farnie..

20 june

2005-06-20T23:10:00.000+08:00

went shopping with mom for more tops at Zara. man.. it was a really great day. i got wat i long wanted.. and the day ended with dinner at Komalas at City Hall.

18 june

2005-06-18T18:52:00.000+08:00

went to East Coast beach with my cuzzie's cuzzie. Had a lot of fun. especially during the bike ride. to the Jetty.,.. the left and right end of the beach. well, it started off with this peaceful morning whereby we settle on anice sandy-grassy place near the Mc'donald's , Komalas, CoffeeBean area.. this is when, i feel like i'm in love. with a guy. Funny, have loads of sense of humour.. a lil bit not manly.. but overall he is.. exciting, spontaneous, not shy, not boring.. loves to talk.. make me feel hippy..i cant stop laughingduring the bike ride.. HE WAS DAMN FUNNIE. i met my true crush. i think. oh god.. wait. maybe i shouldnt say this at all..he could never make me feel bored. he's like Howard from the EYE FOR A GUY 2. only that he does not get into fairy tale stuff..
okey. on the whole. i think he is special to me even though we only knew each other for a day. but.. i think he is SPECIAL. usually, i judge a guy by his looks first.. but not in this case. i think his funniness makes him seem to be the guy who really have the key to my heart.. i think. but really. he can never make me feel bored. i will treasure that memory till i can remember. but.. on reality basis, no.. i cant fall for any guy. at least not till o'level ends.

8th june

2005-06-08T00:38:00.000+08:00

oh well.went to Orchard with lavina and hazimah.. Well, decided to go alone but.. guess that free tix to the movie deadline is due today yeah.. oh well..So.. we all decided to go today instead of Friday. besides, need to get Muku sumthing grom from the Manchester United shop above the Forum Mall area.. oh well he's the no. 1 Manchester fan kinda thing so.. understooded. lol. After the star program.. (luckily, Mr Peterson was unable to come for the additional Bio thing so we got to go back early), went home got change.. decided to wear something feminine for a change.. put on the gypsy skirt and that green blouse that Lavina gave me for my Bday last yr(i only wore it twice-surprisingly last yr) and that slippers a small sling bag.. and not forgeting the necklace that my aunt bought from Orlando.. DEecideto meet up with hAZIMAH at the bustop since my grandma's house is quite near to hers.. a walking distance..at 1.15pm. Guess what? end up, we both met at 1.25pm.. well, girls... what do u expect? if not for smelling really sweet ya lol. We're SUPPOSED to meet Lavina at 1.30 at Somerset MRT but, guess, that plan is getting stale. She too was late.

So.. with all the travelling time and all.. reach there at ard 2.20pm.. oh Hazimah wore this shirt, jeans and high heels with a sweater on her hand..lavina: this jeans(folded into 3/4), a green and white striped sleeveless, on top of this was a translucent yellow "blouse" and on top( the last fabric-THK GOD) was a white blouse..serve as a jacket..Mind you if she doesnt suffer from heat stroke.lol.
oh.. let me change the ink colour for awhile.. her's where the REal thing begins.

1st stop was Orchard Cineleisure. Decided to watch the Mr and Mrs Smith sneak preview which started at 4.40pm.So, we got like 2hrs+ to just spend some time browsing ard..So, after the booking the tix, we head down to the Manchester United shop to get Muk's B-day present..oh, Lavina was kinda shock that i was being feminine that day. not"being " feminine but wear like one.- like as if i stand for feminity. Said i looked different than the way i looked/ behaved in school. deep dwn, i wonder if i should be flattered or should like be proud or sumthin. i dunno. but i manage to handle that situation well-luckily, by telling her that we are differnt in school and outside..lol
before going to the Man U shop, we first ate lunch at BK-opposite LIdO.i had the yummy turkeybaconmeal which i hadnt had for like a month..man.. it was great. hazimah had the Chickenwhoppermeal. Pardonmeifiambeingtoodetailed,butthedaywithmyclosecompanionsarememorableenufthaticantactuallymissoutanyimportantdetailsya.
oh..on the way there, we talked(i started the topic cuz, i czn't stand silence in case i'm like sick or sumthing) about Syafiq and Fifah.. all the farniee images started to creep up.. like how silent they will be on a date and all.. it was damn farnie.. especially, when we imagine how Syafiq was to react on their first date. lol. count me mean. lol. then, we ate lunch.. and Hazimah shared with us her darkest secret.. man, i guessed it correctly.. we gave her advices and ancouragement..no.. it wasnt anything serious. trust me.then, we headed to Man-U shop. decided to get Muks the fifteen dollar shirt which was specially chosen by Lavina and hazimah knowing that i can't make decisions when it comes to clothes.lol.i asked for a bigger plastic bag..so that it seems like as if i bought something huge for Muks lol.
then, we headed to the Forum Mall toilet. dress hazimah a lil bit here and there.. to u noe, make her look better.. but it was hard convincing her as she didn't believe on the fact that sweaters on the hips made her look for nicer.
oh well, then, we went back to cineleisure,took some dis-satisfying neo prints.. then, bought a family combo of mix flavoured popcorn and 2 drinks.. then went iside the theatre, and sat dwn.
Guess wat?.Slip! beside me was this couple-chineseard the age of 20+. no, that isnt the point, but hearing their " smooch sounds" while the scene was a smooching one was the main point.
drats. can't they do it silently? as in OH GOD!! lower that volume man! wait till my mama teach u some ya. But despite the fact that they are f***ing irritating, the movie was reaaly Great. with Brad Pitt and angelina Jolie as the star, nothing is amiss.
after the movie, which ended ard 6+, we went to Heeren, to take another neo print, hoping that it would turn out great, at least better than the one before(fingers crossed). God blessed me! the pics turned out great. It was $10, mind u! but we shared the cost. after that, i thought of going to chill or sumthing, but my Osama at home, i mean Granddaddy.. he wont agree to it.my parents allowed but.. Osama wouldnt. Maybe because i'm his precious grandchild lol. No, he's not like Osama but, that's his nick.
reached home. Thoughts of wat my grandad would say, base on the time-8.45pm.. but no. he just asked politely if i had my dinner aldy.. phew. thk god. then, had a long bath and to the bed i lie.
On the whole, the day was indeed one of the days i treasured really much, knowing that i'll separate from them one day after O results are released.. IT WAS AN ENJOYABLE DAY of mix races.or countries i supposed. i looked like this negro-hawaiian girl, Lavina a Hong Konger, hazimah, a mixed Malaysian-mexican thing.

7th june

2005-06-07T18:31:00.000+08:00

LIKE OMMYGOD...!!! GUESS WAT?
I WAS GOING TO SCHOOL IN THE MORN AS USUAL FOR THE BENEFITTING STAR PROGRAM WHEN SOMETHING MADE MY DAY.
EVERYTHING AFTER THIS INCIDENT MADE ME GO LA~LA.LOL.

I WAS ABOUT TO REACH THE FRONT GATE-PROBABLY 200 METRES AWAY, WHEN A GROUP OF INDIAN MEN AND A WOMAN CAME WALKING PASS ME.
ONE OF THE MAN(THE GROUP CONTAIN PEEPS OF AGE 30+), STOP IN FRONT OF ME, WITH HIS GROUP OF FRIENDLY INDIANS AND ASKED ME THIS QUESTION.. WHICH MADE EVERY CELL IN MY BODY TO EXPAND..
OH WAIT. THEY CAME FROM THE CONDO OPP OUR SCHOOL.
HERE'S THE QUESTION: "ARE YOU A NEGRO?" LIKE OMMYGOD..
I WAS HOPING FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ME THAT QUESTION AND ONE DAY IT HAPPENED. MAYBE IT'S ECAUSE OF MY SKIN COLOUR AND THE NECKLACE-THE ONE MY AUNT BOUGHT FROM ORLANDO THAT MADE HIM ASKED ME THAT QUESTION. I ANSWERED:"WHAT? (POLITELY) NO.(WITH A SMILE.) THEN , THEY SAID: "OH OKAY.." THEN WALKED OFF, SMILING TO THEMSELVES.
MAN.. IF I WAS SOMEWHERE REMOTE, I WOULD HAVE SCREAMED AND JUMP OF JOY. I MEAN, THINK. ME? A NEGRO LOOK ALIKE? HAHAS.

aunt's home

2005-06-06T23:18:00.000+08:00

oh well. grandpa and two kuzzie went to fetch my aunt and her fam from the airport. without me.
oh wait.maybe i was busy attending biology lesson. I dunno wassup with Mr Peterson. i asked him questions. he said "WAt is wrong with you?" i was about to erase the spelling mistake, he said"ASLINDA!'. oh well. maybe he is in full pressure cuz, our MSG is quite low huh. dun blame him.
oh welll.- went to aunt's house. she just came back from Orlando.(L.A). went to Disneyland. w/o me. i wuld have saved money and go there if not for the star programme. Drats. oh well. look at wat she bought for the 12 nieces of her's? loads of mugs, Chocs, a medal with eight disney characters for me, a necklace for me, towels..more waterbottles, different flavoured coffee frm Disneyland.. pens, a beauty and the beast doll, key chains.. and more chocs. Uncle shared experience wit the whole fam. said peeps there were mostly fat, friendly.. a relaxing place. disneyland was the best. get to meet E.t. in the bike ride, ride the terminator, see many disney characters. took pics.. omg. i missed those chance. oh well. weather there is hotter than Singapore. they were like sun tanned peeps man. colour change and all. like they look like Mexicans. oh well. the day was fun.

betrayed

2005-06-05T16:07:00.000+08:00

You're PRETTY DAMN GOOD IN KEEPING SECRETS HUH?
even if it AFFECTS ME?
So i have no rite to begin this feeling of hatred?!?
what shit.
ya.you think i wouldn't noe?
How long can you keep it huh?
a close friend? doing this?
WHY MUST YOU DO THIS?
go question urself.
argh.. crap. thx anyway.i dun gif a damn anymore. go choke the rooster. killit. murder it in cold blood. i need to hang my head loose.
Oh yes. i ncase u think i'm okey with it..
guess wat? i 'm not. world isn't fair huh?
First u go out with that guy, cancel the trip with me.
then now, keepin that secret?
oh wait. maybe I SHOULD UNDERSTAND YOUR SITUATION HUH?
have u thought of mine. the news is not bothering me. But it's u.
godblessedyoualways.

scenes of life.

2005-06-04T21:20:00.000+08:00

Relieve. get to go out.its a long story.

purE morning is gone. Blame it on Raudah(lol). that Helena of pure mankind. The "outing" after a long time like the great distance from india to Singapore was finally planned and confirmed. okey. i'll erase the word 'confirm' cuz it's not 100%. Those who were on the confirmation list are : Amira- Yes
: me- yes
:Siti- not to the movie but to Orchard.
: Syahmi- not to the movie but the orchard.
:Ridhwan-judo
:mustaffa-judo
raudah- after much persuasion
:Eoin- sleeping
: Avinash- out of the question.
:ritzuan- mock test

Scene 1
So. the plan was to go watch a movie and then go chill out at Orchard. Those who were at the movie at J8 at ten a.m and was kinda fooled by syahmi were Amira, Me, Raudah, Firdy and mamat.(farhan's bro). The movie was CURSED. and yes. oh my were we cursed. The movie was shown at 12.15p.m. Not ten in the morn. Gosh. guess wat? wec wasted ard 15 mins walking each level, completing each round. In other words, we walked one round per level. How dumb can it be? well... it all comes under the title"How to waste time efficiently". The original plan was to catch a movie at Cathay cuz i've got free movie tix frm DHL and futhermore, i needed to save money. But no. Due to Raudah,(i'm blaming her.. well that's just part of human nature.. but still i'm fine aldy) took e earliest show that Syahmi "recommended." and dat he has aldy check the movie time at the internet. Gosh.i wass like"Is this for real?" raudah needed to attend her Cuzie's Kenduri at ard 2+. so that explains the morning call. Syahmi said the damn show started at ten. but nope. Goddamnhe!lol. i had to use my money. No free tix. hey dude! if ur reading tis, here's a msg frm me.. "THX DUDE!"-lol. really. i'm fine but i need to use my savings!?!..(so much of the ten a.m and NOT GOING TO THE MOVIES CUZ.. wat?- ur mum dun allow?.) argh crap. u made me wasted two hrs at J8. u Owe me one time you cute rugby ball!! But really. i felt so 'wasted'.
Finally we head dwn to MCD's. had breakfast. Took the sofa chair. Firdy and mamat sat facing the gerls. I'm squashed-uncomfortably- between those womeN.(which explains the slow eating pace)(i'm like constipated. but i made it thru the tight place lol.)The others (with stuck up faces and bad aura in the morn) didn't eat.. said they were full. So, me nad Firdy had the same breakfast meal: sausage Mc muffin meal with icy milo. Firdy finished first. i munched slowly. To just allow time to pass by. The whole damn breakfast was accompanied (thankfully) by Firdy's Speech.i mean chatterings. Blabberings(60%made sense).. others.. you wouldn't wanna noe. at least they responded here and there but still.. sigh*.I was as usual talking. wat do u expect? winks* Amira was reading her book over breakfast(man.. you can get your brains saturated ya noe- that explains the hair lol. no offense.) Raudah, she didn't speak that much either.Pure listening.Mamat, okey.. well, i can't blame anyone who don't respond cuz i understand.. it's morning and the muscles have not function yet. but towards the end of this breakfast thing, the aura is improving from the bad to the good one. Man. take note: for those who have P.M.S, it'll be advisable if you do not leave the house. Before the whole thing, aura was bad. Maybe because of amira.She haven't met mamat before.. so .. you have to just adapt to it.. bsides, what more can be frustrating then to meet immature, typical malay guys huh?-firdy, in more specific. he msgd amira and say all those words.. Gosh. Wake up. Try new Convincing words! ill recommend u my dictionary.lol.Tried to call eoin but he's still sleeping. we joked about him having wet dreams and all.. watch da face..(eoin? wet dreams?lol.)okey JOKIN. Then went to the movie.Raudah sat at the corner, mamat, Firdy, Mira and me. It was cool but we asked for the mid row but got the 2nd last row instead. MOVIE WAS DUMB. a werewolf pointing a ,middle finger. REAL DUMB> NOT WORTHIT. To those who thought of watchin a scary movie, Cursed is out of the way. try GHOST TRAIN.

Scene 2
After the movie, called syahmi. said he could not come. mum dun allow..crap. Siti said her mum would come home late.. blah.blah.blah. Pardon me for my tone but today's really a waste of time for the movie thing..Raudah had to go home. so. only left me, mira, Firdy and mamat. I'm honestly okey with them following me to orchard but mira was uncomfortable. So i had to adjust with her and deny the fact that i pretty much wanna travel with em. then , amira said she wanted to go home. ( oh why must this happen at this point of time?) firdy&mamat wanted to go to Orchard.(me too. need to chill&return books at Orchard library and drink rhumba Frap at starbucks..) after much persuasion, Amira didn't wanna come.DRATS.so, decided to go alone. have quality time.. but at the last damn bit. At the freaking damn bit, Mira said she wanted to go. Of course i refused. Knowing that she may be feeling guilty and that it's kinda 'i'm forced' thing. so ya. she can go home and do her assignment.. i dun mind. it's not like as if she'll be happie to follow rite? i care. so that's why i refused. so, i left first. Then raudah and Mira left.
In the train.. me, firdy and mamat talked.. heard that Razmi was coming.. i felt a lil uneasy woindering if Razmi wud be okey if i tag along.. he doesn't know me that wel.. But eventually, we made it cool.

No scene..
After meeting.. went to return my books and then meet them at far east bustop. After getting there, they aldy decided to go to Lucky Plaza to get cheap food- not enuf budget.. Well, i suggested we go to China Square. said okey. took 162. The damn bus took us one whole round. gat back to the place where we boarded the bus. Damn Camel lol. Then at last, went to Far East Plaza, ate at one of the malay hawker centre at the upper level.. THIS SCENE IS FARNIEE. while ordeing the food, Firdy pronounced the word wanton as "wanton' . the wanton is not pronounced as Wanten but wanton. as in like bond. so its ton. get wat i mean? really farnie. razmi on the other hand pronounced the word Wanton noodle as "wanten nootle" lol. really. i can't stop laughing babe. even while eating the food, i was still laughing.. lol. then, we went to Wisma-topshop. wander ard.. then we went home. it was indeed a vunderfool day at last.
oh i just got confirmation: the freak patched up with the skeletanous. so much of wanting to study huh?hedidn'tmeanwathesaid.that'sjusthim.study?lol.killtherooster.

madagascar

2005-05-30T23:30:00.000+08:00

Madagascar was great.after the o level Mt, went to Orchard Cineleisure with mum, dad, &lil' sis.They decided to take the day off after realising that we need Quality time together. (they are not staying with me. They are at Sengkang. i m not.) thk god they've finally regain their senses. What do u expect?-a helluva lot more fun of course. With dad's craziness, mummi'scompanion and sis chubby speech.. w got two free tix for e movie by DHL. so., yes. It was a damn fun day. reallly. ate lunch at Far East Square (maggie goreng and Horlick's dinosaur) Then, went to orchard. book the seats. caught the 7.45 p.m show. Till then, shoping at Ck Tang. Everyone neeeds new stuffs. Mum needed a new long blouse from the island Shop, Dad needed a new top, i needed loads of tops especially the ones from Nike and Seed and the pants and skirt from the Island shop at tangs. sis was just running ard of course. Mind u she didn't get lost.Bored i supposed.well, in the end, we didn't buy anything even though our mission was to go shopping cuz mumhas the Ck Tang card...nothing seems to suit my taste. i mean, the clothes are nice buut nothing that caught my eye in particular. i wanted the Nike shirt and the handbag but neah.. i dun think it matched any of the jeans i had. but i liked the bright colours. Levis top was fine. but it ain't my type. well, at least not at that point of time.dad? said the tops does not suit his taste. at least that was wat he potrays. Mum??? maybe next outing i supposed. SIS was the COOLEST kiddo i ever met. She's cute. then, went to catch the movie. It WAS DAMN FARNIE. really. The farniest move i ever catch , other than White Chicks of course. MelMan reminds me of Eoin. Even mum said dat. Gosh. okey. Take note: Pencilstuckintheassbabboon= melman. So melman is his new nickname.oh before that, we were talking about melman as usual. he kinda being the main topic we used to talk ya. well, i told my mum about the Barbecued babithing and all. mum told me this which made me feel more "attracted to him". lol. well, as a crush?..(did i just said that?) Not a huge one. GOSH> NO!.Just this tinkling thing ya. lol.Okey. only a particle of dust. oters are just feelings of being a normal fren. cuz. my heart is for someone else.. oh well. mum and dad and me talked about eoin, Syafiq, how his relationship with fifah..about everything on the whole. That's cool. That's the one thing i appreciate and tresaure most. Alhamdulillah. Thank the Al- Mighty for blessing me with this fam. WEll. mum said, if only melman muslim,He'll be perfect. Cuz rite now, he's near perfection, minus the irritating behaviour of his, the "every morning of depending only on hair wax' and the nose digger and the crazy walking style and the "don't know how to laugh"... he'll be good. as a muslim. lol.but really. think about it. oh yes. i bought slippers aldy. well. not from roxy but from ripples. i bet it looked nicer than roxy.Duh. then after e movie, went to Pizza hut and have dinner. or supper in more specific. I ate only a slice of my sis hawaiian Pizza nad ordered a hot chocolate. Mum and da ordered the couple's meal while lil sis ordered a Hawaiian Pizza. Man.. i love it. everything about today.

mt o level.

2005-05-30T18:28:00.000+08:00

o'level MT was fine for me. i am pretty much confident but as a human being, i can't run away frm the fact of failing. Does tat make any sense? Wad i meant was, i am confident but u mite never noe wat'll happen.etc:bad results?. i wrote Qn 1 frm section A. letter writting. at least that's wat i m good at compared to dialog. and Qn 3 about the dilemma thang frm section B. i wrote 3 1/2 pages of karangan. went back home, asked mum for help to answer paper 2 of malay to see if i'd have the same answer as her. then, told her about wat i wrote-95% of the overall for paper 1 section B. She said it was fine coz she listened to it and not read it, so "fine" was good enuf. She is the type of person whereby reading is much more understandable at that point of time, i felt really excited and all so the speech / the pace of my way of talking was kinda fast. oh well. i was pretty much confident for paper 1 but not as much as paper 2 because of the damn close passage of "tempe". why not about teenagers?!? well. i did made it thru the course but there werw some cock up some where. oh well. wanna noe my tips for paper 1.? i memorise sum interesting phrase for compo over a breakfast meal of oreo and fresh milk of low fat high calcium.

duh.

2005-05-28T17:47:00.000+08:00

Here i am alone again
waiting for the aftercall
From the fall out
That seems like such a mess.

Siti called. i was rude. i think.. She asked me how's my results and all.Then. I told her about the not-able to dance thing.. So ya. i had no more to do dat anymore. All the ANTICIPATION.. GONE.yesterday was fun. after all the "gotten back of the results", me and mum went to Far East Square, near China Square and had lunch there. I watched the Coffee Talk and Hawker Wok.. So.. decided to check out the food recommended by kumar. So. It was GREAT.
Yesterday was pure MUM AND DAUGHTER DAY which i treasurd really much. Thanks God. oh well. we really had a helluva lot more fun together talking about our probs, my achievements, wat i need to improve in my studies and all... Then, she talkd about tis indian man in her office and how he irritates her. it was cool . I laughed. then.. i talked my dad. my oRIGINAL dad. How he betrayed her and all.. Oh well. then. Went to aunts house and kinda have small gathering.She and her family will go to Los Angeles today.COOL. i'm standed here (again) as usual.
Today seemed fine, though i feel like i need to sleep but i can't. Cuz O level MT is another two days from now. Still ned to memeorise..GOSH. Time flies really fast. Gtg now. i ain't got any mood to write. i can't join Ally and Jade to sun tan at Sentosa Beach cuz my family gonna catch a movie and some quality time tgether. WE NEED TO. so. i hope the day wud be much fun than a day at the beach.Though. i much prefer the beach as usual. My old Bestie called to check out if i'd want to join her Bf and his frens Skimming. it's kinda surfing only that it's much more simple. I wud love to. as it's similar to skateboarding.so. ya. oh well. Gone.

down

2005-05-22T04:07:00.000+08:00

down.. down.. down.. pick me up i'm fallin..
Got back my results back. didn't do well as i expected. instead. i think this is my first year doing this badly..sob:(.. oh well,i failed maths, poa and science. gosh.. i dunno where i'll end up with this kinda progress.. ITE? probably.. Mr peterson said to those who failed maths that we'll end up iin ITE. so i've decided to have a tuition. It may sound kinda late but i can no longer be independent in this subject ya.. okey. that's that. oral's in 3 days time.. Homec o'level too. I ought to be nervous cuz i havent practiced.. so understandable.
E parents teachers mitin is on 27. i wonder how my mummy's gonna react. i told her bout e marks i got. she didnt say anything... she's upset. wat to do u expect?

okey.. o'level for the MT is on e 30th. that's bad. my confidence is fading away.. "beauty queen of only 16, she had trouble with herself..""look for the girl with a broken smile.." Make me feel beautiful.

well.. i was made the announcer for the morning assembly on Pure friday. i didnt want to do it cuz i feel insedcure and my self esteem was low at that point of time. but.. in the guidance of Al-Mighty and some encouragement from my kiddos and myself, i did it pretty well.. at least better. lol.
we'rdo smssed me telling me that he needed a best gurl fren and said sorry for wat he told me on Saturday..he was talking crap.. and i didn't reply his sms and all.. like wadddddeva. lol
So he col me and we chatted regarding e gerl he liked. surprised.It was FIFAH. lol. really. lol. said she was decent and quiet and suitable for him.. lol. well, wat do u expect? weirdos are weird afterall...a dn he noes dat i like "short".. but deep dwn, i have always preferred the No-longer-single cutethesaurus..lol. oh well iend here. i nid to swallow a pill now. for this unbearable mensestrual cramps.

smile like i mean it:)

2005-05-18T02:41:00.000+08:00

Oh well.. here i am again. I decided just to take a break from the hectic long hours of sucking my brain cells out. No. my pure morning is still here. In this cold, chilled room. oh wait. i think my skins are dehydrating. gosh. the air-condition is sucking up the fats from my body..(okey that's crap).
In school now. doing this malay intensive thang. it helped us to improve our language by basically sitting in front of the comp and type and comment other human's completed work. i dunno. My pseudo-human cells have just vanish itself in the air of this cold room, enabling my words to be digested out properly.
i haven't started on my paper 2 yet. probably later.. oh god....i'm so worn out today. like i have no mood to do anything and nothing makes sense to me.D.R.E.A.D..
let me change the colour for a while. Green is so squashy today.
Okey ya. well, weirdo didn't smsed me for like two days ordy. because i didnt reply him cuz i feel sick. i mean, i'm down with this excess body temperature, non-stop flowing of my nose fluid and this Sore. really irritating throat itchiness. Oh my Al-Mighty, heal me..
check this out. well, weirdo is really acting weird.(i'm feeling a change in my hormones), Spin asked kak Siti for my blog addie. and She gave him. Y MUST SHE GAVE HIM?.i mean that is fine with me but.. i'm just curious upon the reason as why he wanted to do that. well, i hope he can like tag me or sumthin. lol. and Hazimah hit my sweet butt with her wallet containing coins. Ouch! then she got her revenge back by splashing the holy water on me. cool.. YESSSSSSS!!!! saw "short" today. i mean that hottie in technical class.. He didn't say Hi to me but on the way back to e MT room, he looked at me and smiled. yes He smiled. :) oh love is so kind...oh well. amfats told me bout mushy possums. cool.. no still cutethesaurus is hot..His carisma. i like..

burr..it's getiin cold in here

2005-05-16T06:08:00.000+08:00

yes.. about the outing..
it was okey-okey. Fine .. Haziq and ridhwan didn't come(as expected..probably stuck at home with some more Important stuff to do than going out with us). so the peeps who are actually visibe are siti, syahmi, Me and ridzwan. Amira and Firdaus didn't come. firdaus said he was sick..blah..blah..blah.. Amira on the other hand said shegot no money. Why can't she ask her dad? is it bcuz of the original plan where Mushy possums was there? no.. i wun jump into that conclusion.oh well.. i probably forgot.. mushy possums and me are fwens so we share each other's secrets pretty well. Amfats didn't tell me anything bout tis. Probably she preferred to keep it to herself and meddle with her own life rather than getting peeps iinvolve. but Siti knew bout it. Where did she found out from?. Anyways.. mushy possums told Amfats about his feelings... blah blah blah.. (like as if it was my business to interfere but still amfats and musy possum are my fwens so i decided to be in it..) i wonder if amfats would agree on Mushy possums proposal.lol. quite farrniee.. but well, R.E A.L.I.T.y. what do u expect. well. i'm in no mood to talk bput this. so END.

Well, about the outing, as i've mentioned earlier, it was fine. not too farniee and not to boring. With Siti there, "BORING" isn't in the dictionary of the day. i did'nt talk that much. my throat was sore.and i contracted this disease called "the unstoppable flow of the nose fluid".
Okey. we got the $9.50 tix(blame the government for rising the weekend tix, eat luch at Far East plaza and go wander ard. Go orchard Library, need to return my book, go Taka. oh yes.. pple at taka Shopping Centre was asked to go out of the mall due to some emergency. i tot there was a bomb planted somewhere.. lol. then, headed down to Cineleisure. check out stuff. Heeren... Syahmi need to get sumthin for his gerl.. but he didn't buy anything.. then catch a movie at Lido. then i went hm while syahmi and ridz went for bowling. i had a slight fever.
oh ya. weirdo smsed me.

died

2005-05-14T09:20:00.000+08:00

*HE who shall not be named* can'T prOduce Semen nO MorE.

He just Lost His TesTis AlonG the Way to sensaTion land.

what's WorSt? His red Blood Cells Have Landed In his Eye.

Red Blood Cells In the eyE.

He just Poked his Fingers In his Ears.

White blood cells came FloWing out.

He Is Lack of whIte blOod cells.

Now His dick Got stuck iN thE Zips Of His pants.

OUCH!!!

It's DetAched.

Eeww.. DanGlinG.

now His Ass is red.

Too much of Angst in it.

He Tried to Let IT go.

MetHane gas.

while leTting out the air, his tongue..

oh his tONgUe..

It Is eaten by leeches.

Leeches FroM the fOoD he Ate:thosai.On a Metal plate.

His Brain Cells got stuck Somewhere.

Between The OEsoPhagus and the Large Intestine.

That EXplaiNs why he can't produce No semen.

now What... I'm affected.

No moRe Nutritious Fluid for me in the mOrNinG.

so all this was lie.

2005-05-14T09:16:00.000+08:00

i'm caught up in a web of lies.

i didn't know why god had blessed me with a friend like you.

betrayed. am i?

so long... *****you get me so wrong..

i'm caught up in a web of lies. again.

yes!!!!

2005-05-14T07:17:00.000+08:00

i probably have forgotten to add this.
ysterday, i was feeling kinda down and all.. so i smsed cutethesaurus, Somerled* Alicia zinctate and dad and aunt and talked to my old bestie... well, i told them my results and all..
the good news is, without expecting, "short" smsed me. i mean, he replied me and we chatted foir awhile. that brightened up my day.. well ya.

tomorrow, i'm going to Orchard to catch a movie with my Malay kakiss..Syahmi, ritzuan, Ridzwan, Amira, Siti, Firdy... then we going bowling. lol. imagine them bowl... and me too.... i dun wanna go cuz, i dun have the happy mood thing but to celebrate the end of the examination period, i thought, "why not chill?" then, nxt week, going to go chill and all e late nites with my old bestie at orchard. cool...
okey, i think i'll put a full-stop to this. tell u more bout e outing later...

another day is coming by..

2005-05-14T07:02:00.000+08:00

green.green.i love green.okey. i love blue, PURPLE.. red.. Red inks on my report book.. COLOUR.Colourful isn't it? i mean the report book that i'm gonna receive this 24th may. how loyal i am to singapore rite? red and white.. uh hum. cool *you know*(my sis likes to say this)..Sister. Farisah. i miss her. loads. wanna pinch her cheecks and sleep with her, hug her, kiss her.. eat ice cream with her. Just basically hear her speak. Sweet.

I GOT BACK ANOTHER SET OF PAPERS. with a grade on it. *sigh*(a long........one)
can i just write down wat i feel?. i dun wann asay this but. ya.i failed another subject.Geog.really surprised. well, 1/2 surprised actually. did i tell you? i probably forgot to mention this. Mdm Poon. Nice..Beautiful Mdm Poon.. have a Gd taste of fashion. sheesh. told us bout wats gonna come out for geog. Karnataka case study, history, industrialisation... I memorised THE WHOLE OF it.but WAT . WAT came out? MNC. only MNC-for the manufacturing thing.great. am i blaming her for this? possible. but it IS eventually back to me again. the map reading. i didn't study that part. so that explains why the low mark. I FAILED BY 3. 3. THREE MARKS. happy? due to mostly the map reading section. i just don't know wat to do. to cry? no? to just start bucking up(though i have) but it's till not enuf..or to just put the paper aside.. start anew.. just stop moaning bout tis. YES? is that the Way? RITE. of course that is the way. that's that.

English? it was (can't deny it) really tough. like totally.. i wasn't even putting any hopes on this paper. but look.*smiling widely* i passed. alhamdulillah.syukur to the Al- Mighty. i've got 29/50 for that paper. e highest was 30+.. so yes. i was really proud af myself , walaupun aku kalah kepada pufferfish . still..aku lulus. i can't stop thanking the Al-Mighty.

Regarding the Geog paper, mummy said "You Got The Marks You Deserved." i was a lil bit upset with her cuz i was expecting to hear words of encouragement from her.. but still, probably, as a mother, i assume she has foreseen all these. Maybe, wat she said was true. really. it was. If only i studied for the map reading, i would have passed. Bout MY ENGLISH, mummy said "good For YOU." well, i know she was expecting something higher from me...

mummy was upset.

my fears? i'm Very afraid(though i noe it's useless but still, i'm a human being, so i'm affected by it) about my maths and Social studies. If i fail my maths and social studies, that meant a really depressing state for me. and there's where the feeling of giving up and crying and depression comes in. What i meant was, i would be seeing red ink on SCIENCE, MATHS and Humanities on the report book. the Red Ink wasn't the point but the subjects that i'm going to fail makes me feel so suffocated. that means i will only pass CME and Malay and English. POA? no say. so all i can end up in(if that is the o'level) is a maid company-being a maid, or a training company for the under-aged sweepers or gabbage collectors.. wtv you call it.

Okey so wat if this is Sa1?it's proven that i haven't studied enuf or correctly rite. okey, pardon me for the part where i cracked up a lil, but.. i'm a girl. woman.. wtv u call it. i'm sensitive. women are sensitive. they think alot. they even take jokes seriously.thAT explains the cracking up thing.

i noe. i'll stop the cracking up thing and get back to reality. R.E.A.L.I.t.Y.yes..uh hum.wat i should dofrom now on?

take a nice, fun break with fwens.. chill, movies, late nites..- to just relax my chaotic hormones so that i won't be classified as "unsound mind"..
pray.pray to the Al-Mighty.
Go library, read books.
Practice TYS: Maths, english, Chemistry..
Memorised geog. i mean Malay first..
And then.. c'tinue to endure and keep up with the fast pace of life.

so yeah.. easy as it seems, i still dunno if i could have the REPONSIBLE attitude that i used to have when i was in sec2 -postion 5 in class.. and do my thing ya noe. but i have to.

"ACTION BEFORE MOOD". that's rite. from now on, i will take back my sa1 papers with no regretful feelings or whatsoever.. pure optimism that i have to feel.

okey. that's that for the life and hopes and dreams of a 15 , going to be 16 yr old student, who is currentl affected by the sinagapore's education system.

guilty conscious

2005-05-13T06:01:00.000+08:00

Hey you, LiVING FOR THE MORALE
saw your dreams full of bucket of change

Hey you, you smoking up your sorrrows
Just putting a finger on someone to blame.

Slow down, just look a lil closer
"Am I fine?!" that's not the end.

Wonder how your life can get better
when you're alone, you just tear yourself down.

Hey you, screaming for attention
Once you get it you threw it away.

Broken, i'm picking up the pieces. i wont leave in all your mistakes.

****All tings that's left undiscovered,leaving me waiting and left to wonder.i needyou.don't walk away.

i just want this to go away

heavy head

2005-05-13T05:20:00.000+08:00

one last paper and i'm done with the sa1.

Quote: "all the anticipation might prove detrimental."

So i wont anticipate anymore?no..?

i dunno.

i was looking forward to the end of this examination but guess i should just allow that thought to slowly fade for a moment till something good and pleasant pops up aight.

STRANGE. how i could get that marks for the multiple choice of bio/chem paper one. it was fine for me. PERFECTLY fine. so i guess i have to just live with it. is this reality? No?

OPTIMISTICOPTIMISTICOPTIMISTICOPTIMISTICOPTIMISTICOPTIMISTIC. RITE......

BE OPTIMISTIC. okey so i was one of the top for malay and i passed bio. but does that matter? it's still a red ink on the report paper.

Am i being too "over"in this thing?. i dunno. possible. but i tried hard for this. at least i took the efforts to memorise the wormy words that have already diffused in my mind rite now.

STRANGE.i didn't study for biology at all and i passed. i cracked a pimple open to just allow the chemistry notes to flow into my face and into the brain vessels..but it didn't work.

stressful late nites of memorising chem notes (Excpt for Moles And Petroleum)has just gone through the alimentary canal of mine.sad.really sad.maybe wat the dad said was true. that all of these had already been planned by the Al-Mighty.okey. maybe i was wrong.maybe those last minute of studying(2 days before the exam) didn't actually work out? possible hypothesis.

i noe that this is just Sa1 but..i still feel the impact mon.(jamaican language)

okey. let's just don't cry over spilt milk. i noe that i wont be scoring much for Sa1. so i'll try to work something out like the girl in the movie:The Tales Of the Unfortunate Events. lol. no. What Lavina said bout me was true. Can't Deny that. she said that i will cry every month.At least once in a month.i have already cried for May. due to the pencilstuckintheassbabboon and the chem marks. so i smsed cutethesaurus telling him what i gt for my science.. Still no Reply. nvm. somerled* was there actually pulling me up in a way or another.mummy is busy with her work.so i can only cry to my dad on the phone. God bless me. oh i kalah hepada si pufferfish.

okey. i had a rough day today. Start off with the typical chinese cab driver. then the entrance to the prefect rm, my first few steps, was greeted with ASSALAMUALAIKUm by this cine yg tak tentu arah. pms kape? then assumed i got no moral cuz i was studying CME. ape merepek je..i dunno. i just got no mood to argue back at him. he's a man. a BIG one. then, saryanah comment him on his face. said it was better and all. so i just said "he went for facial" and BAM! blood go upstairs. his. not mine. can't feel it. then, he called me "barbecued babi". cool rite? a friend calling another friend that.pretty cool.uhm hum. i'll just lay low.dont have time to do all these.o'levels babe.... okey. of course larh i was hurt. really hurt. like the lemon juice has just touched the open wound. but i have aldy mastered tha art of ignoring frm my mum so i'm okey though it was like a bitter pill that i had to swallow. if i could just summarise how i felt, it would be: Im sick of being in the bottom of the cosmic joke but i dont get the punch line.

okey.ill end here.

i cant only be myself

2005-05-13T04:48:00.000+08:00

i found myself wrong again
staring out my window
wondering what i should't have said.

i found myself at home again
waiting for the after call
from the fallout that feels like such a mess.

i can only be myself
I"M SORRY THAT's HELL FOR YOU.

so i listen to your complains again
i bite my tongue in vain again
as i allow things to slowly settle in.

no matter what i do.i'm never good enough.

sad.

2005-05-13T04:40:00.000+08:00

Fumbling my confidence and wondering why the world has passed me by.

so things..

2005-05-09T05:13:00.000+08:00

So things aren't the way we expected it to be. ate lunch with my old besties at prata house before coming back hm for the family gathering. oh yes. gave Eoin ths Glass ball and a pantyliner. Hahahahaaha. i was damn shock to see weirdo's (Syafiq) hair. He spiked it up. like, WHAT?!?.... he looks gd. can't deny that.

before mum's day.

2005-05-08T08:52:00.000+08:00

10 mins to twelve noon. Woke up at 9 today. Ate breakfast,tidy up my room and all. im in my bedroom. clean bedroom. not e usual messed up papers in e cupboard.my grandad didn't work today. its pure saturday with no happy, or hippy feelings. just plain. oh. my grandad said he was lazy to go to work. so he applied for fake MC. aunt just called. Asked if i wanted to join her and mummy at Komalas restaurant near the Clarke Quay to eat Thosai. In e middle of my engrossed studying????... of course i had to sacrifice sumthing. so i gave up e offer. OH MY THOSAi..... Dey THOSAI.tml's mummy day.and religious class.. can i skip it?ive gt exams on monday and Tuesday. but nope. i had to go to religious class cuz gt e presentation on our project. i havent make mama a card yet. probably after this. erm.. buyin coloured paper at Thomson Plaza.. but i think neah.. need to save money for sumthin useful. I have to study at 1pm. Gt maths paper .practice and all.. really need to pass maths. oh helena broke up with mamat. her mom found out. and Firdaus had my watch with him. It's a gift frm my mom for my bday last year. so yes. If ths mth isn't full of stressing exams, i'd probably head dwn to Orchard to do some entertainment for my own.. see e latest trend or sumthin... okey. i'll end here. i'll write wen my head isn't heavy.

* Just like an angel, youre gonna make me fly. into ur arms. Youre wrapping me up so tight. You had me crawling so bad, had me heels over head, you had me easy.. Tangle up in my head which one to hold and which one to help me. Cuz we're already beautiful..So don't make cry.. cuz this love don't feel so rite. I may be sweet but i'm on the vine. Sometimes love is addiction, sometimes it hurts like hell, sometimes we can never get enuf. You can make me love you more than i do.
*i'm good without you.you dont mean anything to me. Love me for me.

huh.

2005-05-08T08:17:00.000+08:00

its cold and chilly outside. it's 6 p.m now and i haven't study for my S>S. not a ssingle dot. Awww... tha's bad. all my fwens have studied aldy. i feel so pressurized. i will study after doing this. oh. i cried ysterday. and the day before.i was really scared for my exams though i dun show it. it seems abit like o-levels. wha'ts worst , our exams are conducted in the hall.i'm perfectlyfine with tht but imagine if i freaked out and screamed in the hall halfway e paper. gosh. i noe i wun be affected cuz Eoin is sitting beside me. I think it's fate(haha) cuz me and eoin are like partners in NPCC and we're in prefectorial borad.. haha. FCutethesaurus is still HOt. I love his butt. SEXY> But lately, i dun think , i mean i aldy noe that he's focusing on his exams so shut. "short" well, indeed we have bumped into each other a couple of time in a day. but nieah..can't think tht far. we're just fwens. Cutethesaurus is fine. but he aldy has a St margaret's girl as his beloved(tht's wat he tld Firdy). so guess, i shouldn;t drool over him no more?.But last yr, during eldds, i like the part where me and him communicate thru my bk. Too baf tht bloody Avinash tld him tht i aws tricking him(how lame) and cutethesaurus actually believed it. thx. bloody Tandoori chicken. well, tht's just at e surface, in my own crust, Syafiq and what my fwens said bout me and him. My exam's is tml in e hall. Tht freaks me out cuz i will look stupid sittind dumb like tht. my focus is on oi'level. can't bear to disappoint my big mama nad P.daddy. haha. Amira nad Siti. especially Amira. we haven't meet /eat for awhile. nearly erm.. two mths?. busy larh.Pardon me. Hazimah still likes hafiz. Ruth's macho.Alicia is a white goofy with fake hair.fat butt. pinched them. Think i must go study nw. after Sa1, i need to go chill with my girls in my town.: late nites, movies.. . Party at my fwen's hs. cool.

so ugly before.

2005-05-08T07:35:00.000+08:00

today is filled with both negative and positive viewpoints. i had to reach sch at 6.45 in e morn to prepare for NPCC DAY. i was e screwed announcer. all had to stand at attention. At that point of time, my eyes were lookin for'short', hoping to get his eyes fixed on what i was wearing. then, see his unexpected reaction. but nope. He was studying his bks. EOA.what do u expect? well.. so i shaked. alot.i mean i wasn;'t feeling nervous but the hand tht was holding e microphone wun stopped shaking. everyone on e first row saw tht. shit.during e exam, eoin was relaxed. S>S paper what.. what do u expect if he doesn't seemed relax rite?.. Somerled's leg was mostly crossed during EL paper. the difficulty was rated 8 out of ten meaning ten e hardest. it was EL paer 2. okey. gtg.

gosh

2005-05-02T11:10:00.000+08:00

just received a call. all my family members are coming to my grandad's place on labour's day. MY PLAN IS OFFICIALLY CANCELLED.

a another day.

2005-05-01T10:40:00.000+08:00

Just finished praying Maghrib and solat hajat. Need to seek help from Allah. to ease my mind. my harsh mentality and the physical tireness. And not forgetting, gd results, loving family, relieve of Atok's gastric... Well i've completed 2 to 3 subs aldy for the Sa1. Geography was quite saddening cuz, i actually memorised the whole of manufacturing. the only damn thing that came out was only 0.5% of what i studied. Thx. So much of Karnataka case study huh? Btw, honestly speaking, i dun think i'll score very well for this [paper]. Well, what's over is over. nho more mourning bout it. English paper one was fine. Fine. fine... talked about National Day.i know i'll pass. Insyaallah.Malay?a lil' bit complicated but, i really hope i can like beat e malayt students who ask me to join e challenge.I honestly think the paper two was really challenging. Words of encouragement: i have been like one of e top students in malay for the whole of three yrs, so that wun be much of a difference. This thur's there'll be LC malay. followedc by S.S e nxt day, Eng 2, maths, chem, bio..I'm SO AFRAID. hopefully i'll conquer PUFFER FISH. She's kinda sending me this bad aura u noe. i can feel it.
Today is dull coloured day. Finished reading e malay bk. i didn't study at all today. just lazing ard on e couch and a bunch of pilllows. Right now, i miss having a partner in life. To go chill out, someone i can rely on in gd and bad times.. Cutethesaurus is focusing on his exams, "short" is in his own world. oh yes. i broke up with Seth. let u noe latr... mayb tml? i'm all alone again. Wish i could go out with my mum or sumthing.. those days..but under circumstances like time, which forbid us..gues, that thot just flew away. Okey. let's dun let emotions control my already dull coloured day. Let's be a bit spoilt for awhile. but honest okey.
tml is labour day. i have no plans. I really wanna go to Orchard-preferbly alone. just have this sentimental time alone.. going to Orchard library, read some bks, buy that Mocha Frap(i like..) and Monkey bread frm Starbucks and just wander ard e streets of Orchard just to get out of the busy world. Then head dwn to esplanade .or Suntec City and get those slippers. If only i dun nid to think of tml, i'd probably spend my money on clothes haha. i'll do this all by for myself cuz my mum won't have the mood to do all these cuz she prefers sleeping than going out doin nothing on Labour's day. Oh yes, maybe ill go to borders and check out new, interesting bks.. check out e cds? then get a magazine?..then travel to Boat quay and go to Esplanade library to read bks on plays, acts.. isn't that fun? well, all quality time by MYSELF.
o h yes. i really want the Nokia 6880.taking photos of the things i see which i like.. right now, imagine i got a BF.
we'll go to e library, just laze ard at Starbuck couch, chit chat, look at things we like,.then hold hands to Boat Quay, talk bout life, reality, probs, jokes,the really farniee ones of course. i dun want my bf to be like trying to be perfect. just be HIMSELF.if that is ever possible....none of e boys in my school meets tht criteria. "short" is too shy and in his own world, Figg and me are two different world.not open and trusting. cutethesaurus? hacks. fat hopee. maybe will. but he told Firdaus he has a gf. too bad. But too bad he can/t open up his heart to me. hahas. Pray it will happen? neah..

one day

2005-04-23T17:23:00.000+08:00

Onedaybeforethehomec'O'levels&englishoral
Oneweektomothertongue'o'level
GREAT.just GREAT.
i woke up at 6.am today. feeling rather sick in the stomach.I can't bear to endure the pain. so, i had to like go to the toilet and just sat at the toilet bowl, trying to pump out those waste of the body. sometimes, when it hurts so much, u can just feel ur small intestine, transfer the waste to ur large intestine and out of the anus.Those squeezing part...I dun think i like it. it's like imagining dat i am a cow and farmers are pressing or should i say squeezing my nipps for milk.OUCH! Then, i thought of going back to sleep but the eyes wun shut.ARGH!!i need to sleep.But to no avail of course. Then, fetch my towel and went to have a nice ..long bath. niiiice.. Well, after the cornfalkes and mlik meal for braekfast, decided to go to my room and just listen to some crazy music, which mite help brighten my day a lil' knowing dat this pure morning would be alil' plain till e afternoon where every human species will arrive for a small gathering.oh. It's one of the public hols again&my grandad didn't work. So, i can't jam in my house. as in like switch on the loud mega music and groove u noe.Sooo, lucky for me, i had my discman with me.Well, what do u expect?Switch it on and listen to the CRANBERRIES.UNexpectedly, What made my already-not-pure-morning gone is the low batt. DAMN! plus, i ain't got any spare batteries. so yess.depending on tis malay bk. I've been reading malay novels after malay novels for the past 3 weeks.just to loose my mind a lil'.oh well, i dunno wat to do now. My rectum, together with the anus is hurrtin so much.And this unstoppable flow of the nose fluid is just too much to handle. well, today, i need to prepare for tml's o-level(FnN). Going to buy the ingredients with mum later. oh yes. for ur info, i DUN HAVE THE MOOD TO DANCE ANYMORe. so.just DUN TALK ABOUT DANCING NO MORE. oh well.no more aight.if only i had my full allowance, i wud have gone to Orchard in the afternoon and just get new clothes. It's not that i'm limited of it..(gosh!my wardrobe is nearly full)it's just..i'm like tired of wat i currently have.It's been like a month ago since i last bought new clothes. But oh well.need to save some money again$$$..

OVERALL RESULT FOR HOMEC: homec was fine.though i dun think ill score for the presentation part cuz it's a local dish and wat decorations can i associate to that? a loose batik Cloth? oh well. i thought she wanted to taste the food. So, i focused more on that. But NOPE. She didn't taste it.Not even someone else's.Honestly speaking, the food looked, fine.Tasted fine, but lack of presentation skills despite the fact that i brought colourful plates. But still i thought it looked Plain.So. i'm just hoping FOR A MIRACle.

telecommunicationbreakdown.

2005-04-21T11:03:00.000+08:00

pardon me for not blogging these past few days. Due to the unexplainable lack of time management skills of mine. nope. i'm still fine.Gosh.....!! this bittersweet migrane is killing me. My brains goin to burst out any moment. What cause this? The HEAT STROKE IN THE MORN. DURING PHYSICAL FITNESS TEST:2.4km run. oh well.i didn't reached my aim of 13 mins. I did 14.45 mins- a B grade. Pretty bad huh?.. pencilstuckintheassbabboon disd better than me. that includes Somerled* too. what a loser. but still, i' proud cuz, i finished the whole 51/4 rounds w/o fainting or just fall. hHAAAha.Hazimah fell. like in the praying position. probably thinking of that Hafiz.. haiz. Well, i wrote "short"'s name on my hand as a form of encouragement. But i didn't look at me. damn camel.(an imatation frm Somerled*) While runnning, a "kind" friend of mine shouted his name in front of Mr Tino who basically know him. DEAD.But nvm. i still pass e whole thang.Oh.. i think i'm going to get my abs bck.on my stomach area. been eating lesser and doing sit ups lately.oh yes. i don't fit to where sleeveless cuz my muscles on my arm are protudging.still, if you think bout it, it seems to look a lil to the sporty side ya.

Councillors.Mainly the prefects. we're IMPROVING I MUST SAY. Despite a bunch of people with bloody stapled shut mouths and that bloody maggot's attitude, the rest are fine. we're supposed to come to school at 7.10 a.m EVERY MORNING.(oh when will i get to sleep properly??) an order frm MR sim. He's a great teacher in charge of the prefects. He did stuffs which Mrs Tan didn't do. If given a chance to grade him, he's an A. heehe.. nope. i'm not laughing cuz this pain in the head is killing me bit by bit.

Exams are comin.i'm looking forward to it. not. i haven't started a real studying yet. oh well...
LATE nights,come home, work sucks, i noe.
Me and seth.. B.R.E.A.K.A.W.A.Y. not broke up cuz he still exist in my life.but. donno lar.(everything has fallen to pieces, his kiss dying..)
Kenneth tay.he has a girlfriend. I"M like soo surprised.but still..okeylar.
Malays in my school r turnin "gothic". Like they are trying to be kinda thang. shitty attitude. wearing uniform and wear that. what a fashion statement. still.. since it just poke my asshole real deep, i'll shudddddduplar. who cares. and futhermore, i dont have time for this. and MUKS has a girlfren. hahahahahaha.welcome to e club. All the long lasting one k.damn cute you know if yu think bout it. Oh yes. since i already know that Good Charlotte ain't actually a pure punk grp, i wonder if they are turning gothic too.Strange. dickhead lost his booking board.wth. and i have to remind e prefects e very morn to bring their stuff.:)(smile like i mean it.)
cutethesaurus is focusing on his studies. "short" is waving at me whenever he sees me. (like oh my god... i'm smiling.oh no..no.. i'm blushing ordy.but i noe u can;t see it.) I'm performing on youth day. i think.donno lar. and weirdo really is weird.helena's fine.i cant hangout with my malaygang anymore. i think. mummy said no.my dad is sexy.my sis is pretty.my mum is hot with all her babats.i miss em. oh yes. mum, if u read this, thx for praying 4 me 4 my run just now. afiq is reallyyy weird. Faizal called me and then looked at him and then we smiled and i said hi and i donoo wats going on. aiya.i don care.study lin.study.
and my mum helpin me with my english and malay compo writing.:) Amira and siti.we're still breathing . that all. nid to go sleep. i'm in pain.

bear in mind.

2005-04-15T07:19:00.000+08:00

all things happen for a reason.

hush.

2005-04-15T06:47:00.000+08:00

i'm goin to SOUND OF MUSIC the musical with my mom tonite.can't wait. my kuzzie don't wann ago cuz she said it's not her type..blah blah blah... aiaya..if only she cud expose herself in this kinda thang.. Alicia zinctate goin with heer sis tml.. heeHEE..im so hapie. Today is a really funny day. well it isn't farniee but i laughed a lot today.regarding Ruth hydroxide's bandaged hand hahahaha.. she said she hear the loud pitch of music while doin "push up" and she fell ..hahahahahaha..really farnie.. guess wat? i did 37 incline pull ups, 10.8mins of shuttle run, 177m of standing broad jump and 43cm of sit and reach. for my napfa test. i'm really proud of myself especially e pull ups. i mean i got 2nd highest for it. i didnt do push up but still can.. amazing.
then, aiya...can't recall but i laughed loads today. i can't wait to go with my mom. and i have to keep my true feelings from cutethesaurus. olevels.. and my feelings for "short" is back. heehee. i dun feel lonely anymore now that i'm goin out tonite with my mom.

cry.

2005-04-12T10:44:00.000+08:00

everything happened for a reason.if the mockingbird don't sing and the rain don't shine.. i'll kill the rooster neck.

this entry.,

2005-04-12T10:17:00.000+08:00

wat darker colour can i get?..
Skip that part.okey.today's monday.and i dun think toiday seems to making any good impacts on me.probably because i can't stop thinking about stuffs..which people my age dun usually think about. sometimes i just hope my day could be better w/o the existence of some species.. during MT class..i had to do another intensive malay worksheet..(i think i begin to hate it but i think its a benefit for me)..Faizal can't stop calling me and always kinda relate me with Afiq,Wat's his prob? oh yes..nowadays or should i say this mth, the rate of me missing my mom is increasing.my dad too..and not to mention Shasha-my sis. i met them at my kuzzie';s party on sat..had quite a great time but guess what?..it ain't enuf.i need loads of love and smotherings from em..oh yes..i promiz my mom i'll have an outing with her some of these days..we need to catch up.oh shit ! i feel like crying..okey.that's that.

Amira...amira..amira...did i do anything wrong? let me see, i told you to try the art of zikir and you started to pop questions such as if there is a purpose of being a muslim nowadays especially in the world that we're leavin in..i replied by saying if you dun think it is..then done lar.. then you started this whole bloody thing that i despise:driftin away.. i dun understand. n you have no comments on me for ypour blog.okey so i assume you are driftin away from me and those people who dun make any diff in your life huh? i dun mean anything to you or i did sumthin wrong taht you have to noit talk bout it????
you know what? i can just be like that pencilstuckintheass babboon and just asure that we are minding our own lives.. i can.but nope.i duuno bout you. i don't know if these words ever diffuse in you and that we can like be on bloody talikng terms again.
if i were to actually think carefully, i should just put all these aside and just focus on o level.. aiya.dunno.

lets get back.today morning i just took a glimpse at cutethesaurus and just c'tinue with my life.isn't it better? but still, i have some lil sparkles for him. still.. i chose to slowly let go. today was okey..but a bit down..like a dull and slow moving day.
i have finally decided to talk to Helena^ but i dunno where to start.it's been ages since we last spoke properly..and i have to finally make e move.. how?...aiaya..iut'll flow hopefully.
Chem test is okey. done.

can't stop thinkin..

2005-04-10T05:32:00.000+08:00

"woke up early this morning..make my breakfast like i always do. Then it hit me from nowhere..Everything i feel about me and you..Baby you're so amazing.
seven days and seven nites of thunder..the water is rising and i'm slippin under..the way i'm feeling makes me realise that it can't be wrong.your love is like a summer rain, washing my doubts away.it's making me believe that you're the only one for me..i'm falling in love with the eighth world wonder."oh gosh..i'm thinking bout you again.i can't get you off my mind.

Pacifier

2005-04-09T01:45:00.000+08:00

E sports day ended pretty well.did'nt expect actually..ma claz got 1st in e whole level. unexpected huh.ya...tot A1 or E3 can get it but...lady luck is smiling on me. God Al-Mighty actually.Syukur Alhamdulillah.well..oh yes.my magnificent morning start off with meeting alicia zinctate and ruth hydroxide at Prata house bussystop at 6.30.ate prata and drink teh chino..NIIIEEAAH.okey,were a lil bit late for e sport's thang.but who cares?.well, now my morning is being corrupted by the last min notice that i was in e finals.Wth.shocked. i can't give up cuz marks are added for tis.so ya..results ain't good.still...li'm livin in reality.okey...then after sports day, me and ally and ruthie went to ally's house.Changed,bathe.. going out for a movie.:CREEP.. Arrived at J8.CREEP was not out so decided to catch The PACIFIER.damn nice.as in like REALLY-Must-GO-SEE kinda thing. DAmn funny.really.not jokin. Laughin all e way.But in order to laugh you need to know what e joke is about.so to those who are probably thinkin to watch this,be sure to pay attention aight.Oh yes..Donovan,Gerald and Markus was in front of our seat.heeHEE.coincidence.
Then,ruthie went home. All e movie thing ended ard 4.30. Me and Ally headed down to town..1st stop paragon's 7-11.met my neighbour.HOT. then went heeren,Ally nid to get Charlene and her sis sumthin 4 eir burpday. I did window shoppin.Searchin for new slippers at roxy,fila n hava thing..but not buyin today lar..goin wit mum and dad soon..then, we go topshop..get a notybk 4 her sis.went to wheelock.searchin for this really-nid-one-soon-i.pod cover.nope.not 4 me. 4 Ally.. then to far east and home.then to my aunt's hs again.
It was indeed the most enjoyable day of this month.Papaya is full of whole new fashion statement.wore this collar squared shirt with shorts and long socks.cool.then that smelly stinko wore this white head band..thinkin he was in some bollywood hero scene.Fuyoo..upgrade or wat..haha.Somerled*ran.heehee.caught my attention.but okey lar. oh yessssy..Saw MUks nathan today at J8.outside toilet.really glad to see him.tot he wud always remain in my dreams. .
guess what?i'm undergoing a painful life rite now. meet me in hospital.i'll be in labour ward.waitin to give birth. in simple words..i'm havin P.M.S. as in the real one. 1st day.damn pain.all these cramps are killing me.
Name's SETH. damn hot. really hot.as in gorgeous.nope.not from singapore.he's white.even alicia thinks he's hot.so rite now..mualah!i have sumone to replace my deepest feelings towards cutethesaurus. (soundin really bitchy..) OoOH. my God. he's seriously hot.maybe more to e cute gonna be hansome type. He likes art.as in dance and music.wait.. i think i'm gonna deliver his baby.. gtg.visit me in hospital k.for your info, i met SEth ordy.. heeheehee. i'm happy but in pain. bye.and rubenna's weird.heck.
before i end, i misss my mommy,my dad, my sis.maybe if i've got extramoney after spending on e slipper,i'll take my sis to e movie:Madagascar.

and i'm quietly feeling so proud of Helena^. she won best athlete of her level.. athlete or whhaaaat?..me donno when this will ctinue.we nvr talked.for e past few days.maybe one of those days there's hi and bye thing you know.like...we're strangers who actually knew each other pretty well.aiya.donno.donno how to start,when to start talking to her seriously. "now hush lil baby do'nt you cry, everything's goona be alrite.."-mockingbird

shuddup.

2005-04-08T13:41:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna shut all theese pseudo-humans senseless speech."but you said i'm just a friend..."listening to mario now.Feeling really confused, hurt, bloody betrayed..like as if the friendship of an open and trusting does not even exist.Does it actually even exist or is that just one of my bloody illusion?.Somerled*..i feel so grateful for the things you've done today.So what if i'm sensitive..?i like it. fcuk.shuddup.let me list down how i feel now. I feel like as if i'm being too sensitive in this but deep down i know i'm not.my anger is developing in me.My self-control breaksdown. i didn't know Somerled* can act that well.The way he potray himself..Man.. rated 5*.Hey listen here. y didn't you tell me earlier?y didn't you tell me who took that pic?.WHY???? acording to cutethesaurus who no longer is cute..,it's all a prank. hAHa.Good one Marshall. hmm.. allow me to tell you what briefly happened.

It was a pure morning of all good aura and surrounded by people who actually took the effort to bathe in e morn..or at least smelt nice.. Then my pure morning is gone. His picture was no longer in my wallet. i cracked up.like really crack up and stuff. decided to ask him for another but guess that thot does not ponder. Why wud he wanna give it to me?okey..yadayadayada...
received info that cutethesaurus who isn't cute at all took his own pic.HAHAHAHA.said he felt weird and stuff. so he actually took e pic outa my wallet.He actually touched or should i say browse my wallet for god noes wat reason and took his pic.w/o my permission.Wow.Impressive. Good initiative.
okey lah honestly,i don't care if he wants to take e pic bck bcuz i don't think i'll do e poster thang this month. so ya.but can't he at least inform me?or tell me that he took his pic?aiaya. donno lah. i'm too tired to actually type all my feelings dwn. i'll bottle it up.and release it thru my farting or doing business. aiya.if i were to tell em how i feel, i bet they'll be thinking that i'm sensitive.so ya.bsides, i bet they are enjoyin themselves now while i , as typical girl,still ponders and crack my mind for this. so immature of me..PRANk...Prank...Prank. this is all a prang .so i HAVE TO CHILL. take note.

shalom calverim..

2005-04-07T22:47:00.000+08:00

oh god. my eyebags are developing. my bodu are aching all over.i'm so damn sleepy but my bed is like mu=y coffin.SHUDDUPPPPLARR walaaaaau..tml watchin movie with Alicia and Ruth. oh yes. i'm a bit crazy now.okey.. i love this place.crap.Syafiq fell down.hahahahahaha.Amira...oh i don't have the mood to talk. Raudhah..a.k.a.Helena.. HI!.haiz.i'm tired.bye. and i'll move on with life.pretending today is gone. and nothing is wrong.oh yes.tml morn,going prata hs at 6.15 a.m eating breakfast with alicia and ruth.prata at 6+....Niieeeaaahhh..e song from pension state is playing in my head. and Somerled's song is stuck too."here's a letter for you but the words got confused..."Aiya..if no big deal to be born muslim then no big deal lah.if that is what you think. aiya. idon't wanna ctinue this.you won't understand.okey.i'm no stable mood now. so shuddup.oh im sick.wait.i think my ass is growng.oh wait.my legs are becoming shorter.oh ya.my neck is longer.oh no.my eyes is growing huge.shit lah..now my ears are flapping.oh no....i'm sick.shit, i just tasted my pus.wait.nice...okey i'm sick

this negro spiritual

2005-04-07T14:55:00.000+08:00

WEll..today went out pretty easy.in e morn, ask cutethesaurus to help me for my maths test.thx to him, i think i got loads more confidence to score for this paper. THX>>LURRRVE YOU...hahas jokin.aiya true lah. oh he was like in alil trouble in e morn regarding his dep[artment.going to help him by talking to teachers who dunno to care or not..Mr Sim and Mrs Tan . i wish i culd go straight to Mr Vasu. oh..yes.. i love to see cutethesaurus in facin prob cuz he does it pretty well. not like me.. stress up.. he's calm and steady.. so adorable.hahas.but really, i salute him. i don't talk to eoin dat much today.that pencilstuckintheaSSbabboon...i don't think he's like fun to talk to nowadays.. he's troubled.so ya. and i didn't talk to helena today.god noes. didn't see her.Firaj.. i didn't see him either. i soooo nid a hug from you know who hahas.kiddin lar..and my mum called to check on me.. made me cry. she like kinda scold me..sob.:(..well ya. i'll end here.wish me luck for my test tml.

ouch

2005-04-07T14:28:00.000+08:00

okey.so i just knock over the "corner" of my cousin's bed.it hurtsss!!!!well, i think i'm gonna..wait..it's obvious that i'm gonna have a blue-black on he mid of my leg.oh my precious bone........oh before i forget.. i'm at my cousin's house now..listening to arrogant worm..the cd burnt by Alicia Zinctate.thx babe.oh yes.. i haven;t completed my hwk yet and i can't focus. bye

hahahaheah

2005-04-06T08:50:00.000+08:00

my kuzzie is laughing. vibratin actually. of god noes what reason.heheeeheeeeeeheee hahahaha.eeeew her saliva just fade away.oh god!help me! she's INSANE.oh wait.. i'm gonna get another beating from her hanky again. ouch.her brother's laughin with her. mad cow disease corruptionism.she doesnt noe how to spell disease. she spelt it diesease.hahahahah.wait. i'm here bloggin, she's bside me making these strrrrange noises and rocking left to right. now other two of her siblings are here. these, aliens.
you make me wanna lalala in the kitchen... lalalalalalalalalalala.

mmmm.

2005-04-06T07:27:00.000+08:00

i met a psychologist ordy. . i'm improving in the sense that i think i'm feelin more better now.
I'll pray to Allah,leaving everything under his hands.work hard.focus and reset my goals.no time to be insane or depress anmore.maybe sumtimes i enjoy company.oh yes.had luch at Delifrance today. in a solitAry state.i'm lovin it. but no mushroom soup today.

amiRa-"upset,isolating, sumtinstuckin the ass.
AslInDa-stress,jammed,sad,isolating...i need to be in pure hystericalism lane.
please Allah, guide us both.Tenangkanlah fikiran kami.
Lead us to the right path. Tunjukkanlah sahabatku ini jln yg benar.AMIN.

pencilstuckintheassbabboon:thx for not being what you always are.
i appreciate it:)
it's oh so quiet..shh..shh..shh..
*i donno you.you donno me.but i still like your presence but i dislike your mentality.i think you're just another passer by in my life. thought you could be someone i can rely on.but.guess
not.

to cutethesaurus: somebody told me you had a boyfriend who look like a girlfriend. the course of my ending-soon-infatuation nvr did run smooth.still lurvin your carisma yeah.

to my dear friend,^HELENA.
i noe we're driftin apart.i donno if you understand. i donno if ill ever feel e same towards you in phuture. need time to adapt.No more cries okey? i can't afford a bucket to hold em.you can live w/o me.everything's gonna be fine.Now hush ^HELENA.i'll try to catch up when i regain bck my sanity k.i'm not depressed.just shattered somewhere.no. we'll nvr BREAKAWAY.

to my butt buddies,alicia zinctate and ruth hydroxide.
chill sista.FRiday's coming. we gonna chill out ya. "you think i'm gorgeous, you think i''m sexy, you wanna kiss me.." hahas.gd one ruth. lurvyvyvy you guys always.

To e ruling queens ,Hazimoque and Lavinoque: "aslinda rules!" haha.

weirdo: i like it when you fall off your chair during poa lesson.hahahahahahaahhahaahaha.heah.
you love me yeah yeah yeah..
oh yes, to my fren who can bake the choc cake, you'd be we4ll off if you knew the art of zikir. i'm not preachin. just so to see you be healthy.

oh yes.. going out to watch movie with alciaandruth this fri.can't wait!:):):)
on sat, going out with family. finally i get to meet em..got to buy new slippers. e roxy slipper i currently have has worn out.
going to go hm straight after skool from now on. and i don think i wanna go poly cuz i need to be in malay literature in Tampines Jc and psychologist course. suren wanna be adoctor.haha. all e best. i hope i'll feel ill more often so that i can go to him. heeHEE. today is better than yesterday.

2005-04-05T08:28:00.000+08:00

full-stop to EVERYTHING.

i drink from the cup of denial

2005-04-01T11:28:00.000+08:00

drink from the cup of denial.surensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensurensuren
WHT IS THAT IN YOU THAT CAPTIVaTES ME?shudduplar.okey o'level.bear inmind

being me?...

2005-03-31T21:23:00.000+08:00

R you okay?.. yes.
nope.i'm feeling sudden changes in me. i became all quite today morning. oh my pure morning is gone.everythin's gone wrong. dunnoo........ Somerled* asked if i was okay. i'm practically fine but i'm scarcely not. Pardonme. don't know.. how do i feel now....? all low and depressed. of god knows what. someone out there... talk to me. i need to see a psychologist one of the days.. i can't stand this. and i've got my allowance ordy and the malay stall aunty charged me high.and i'm going bankrupt one day and i need someone to wake me up of the life that i'm leading it sucks and "shitty men" and i think i need to go shopping but i don't wish to spend moi money and i have intended to go to Perth or melbourne with alicia after o levels and i'm slacking and i'm afraid of o'level and i don't know what to do with my salcked life and i wanna finish readung the qur'an by this year and i need to finish up my undone long dued hwk and i still like mr perfect and i still wanna be his frens and i borrowed firaj's jeans the day before investiture but it don't look nice with the belt i was wearing and i think weirdo likes me and i despise that thot eventho the evidence is obvious and i don't know if i should label Somerled* as my close friend and is being a babe everything in this world? and my muscles on my stomach is going off cuz i can't stop eating and i think i'll suffer from malnutrition and i neb=ver contract chicken pox before and i feel like slacking and today's the show on O.C and i cant wait and i have a test tml am=nd i havent studied and i'm feeling really happy now and no i'm not and i think all the idiots are following me and i think mamak formula 1 is ajuvenile blacky asshole of pigeon's hole and i want to go to ally's house during june hols and stay over to slack and study and lavina's weird and i need someone to bring me up and to encourage me and i want to sit for o'level later in life but i can't and i need new roxy slippers and i want to it chocolate eclairs from deifrance and i need to take care of my image as a deputy haed and i miss aisyah and raihanah and i need to catch SAMARA the movie and MS CONGENIALITY and i need to do my homec hwk now and i would love if Somerled* is free to talk to me and listen to my sufferings and mr Perfect to guide me and i sooooo need a hug now and mumut singh is growing fat and i'm a slow learner and i'm a girl and i miss my lil sista and all i want to do now is to get some sleep and not go school tml but i can't and i wanna take a break but i can't and i need to eat properly and...... i miss my mommmy. and i havent been actually talking to raudhah anowadys and i don't feel like talking to anyoine because i'm in no perfect mind to talk sense and i need a hug.Smother me mom. hahahahaheah.okay. i'll proceed on my life as usual but i'm sick in the inside. pardon me. Insanity.

a...

2005-03-30T17:11:00.000+08:00

an open and honest frienship.. hmmmmmmmmmmm..
i'm feeling like giving up
lately. yesterday, i cried cuz i cant stand how i do things. everything's so fast moving and i'm left behind.

don't know..

2005-03-29T15:44:00.000+08:00

I wanna settle things with him but i guess, he thinks everything's fine. just put down the phone with him.e second call...I wanna settle my doubts with him.. Yup. So i opened up to him.I hate this crap.Only amira knows my real self at a particular situation.Now him.I told him if i was actually shedding tears or if i was pissed off. i seemed to have like let myself a aeay or something. He's not close to me and i've actually "owned up"regarding how i was feeling. SHIT......But deep down, i just wanna be honest with him cuz..he's my friend and i feel comfortable while talking to him.
Stubborn part of me wants him to dance. But if i was actually wanting to be in shoes(i had to!)..i just have to swallow his bitter pills and just give in to him by saying this"You don't need to dance. I understand your TIGHT situation" I mean i do but i chose not to cuz.. i need him.need his presence and he has the moves. what more. i don't know what i should do now. Seriously.
Somerled's the name.
somerled*pls dance...pls dance.. pls dance.. pls dance.. pls dance.......
[you're just a part of me i can't let go]

it's times like this that i need him to be with me. no.. not Somerled*.But too bad that we're just friends and that i can't actually rely on him to comfort me. But still.. his voice, the way he speaks.. mesmorized me.Aslinda draw the line.
He SEES ME AS NOTHING BUT A VAGUE DOLL.
i'm being emotional? You call that emotional? of course i am but come look at it at my perspective. i wan the dance to be well.and suddenly one person's decides to "backout". you're sad bcuz you understand his situation but you can't comply it bcuz you are selfish but you really want him to dance bcuz he has the presence . and you call that emotional?.yesss thank you. PARDON ME. i'm being emotional?.am i? am i ? am i? am i ?
Accident's that happen, they follow the dot.
i'm absorbing archaic like a sponge.
Maybe i';m looking only at my direction.
no. i should be CONSIDERATE and put aside how i feel and understand him.

fade AwAY..

2005-03-19T08:59:00.000+08:00

To mr perfect..

I wish i hadn't met you for lack of better things to say.

Even if i seem to be alright with what's happening.. well here goes. I dON'T.

-insanity-

dead leaVes on This DirTy grOund

2005-03-19T07:18:00.000+08:00

My personal diary's gonna end soon.. that means thee start of all new inspirations for e whole new decorazshones.raudhah just called just now..Need my advice-she's undergoing a kind of complicated friendship thang with Adilah and all..It's kind of the same situation i'd experienced when i was with Jia hui in Sec2..i don't know how to put this but i've got loads of physical and a lil' bit of mental similarities as Raudhah.. I think a bit like amira..and a psychologic part of my mum.Sometimes, i stop & ponder on what God has created for me:-pple whom i can relate to easily especially pple like raudhah, mum, dad, amira, firdaus..They're like the key which opens up my heart to all new chapters in life.>>>>listening to CVALda now..Well..i think i like her music and god noes if i'd change the taste of music soon..I don't know. Who noes if i'll stop listening to cult metal and go move on to Bjork..?..haha.maybe her songs made sense to my life that i'm currently leading.I'm thinking of loads of things now..Like mostly about e fast moving days during this holiday, my O'level preparations, my desperation of getting a maths tutor, my coomitments and basically my focus. My mind is so saturated with all the useless disparity.I'm rellay worried about my o'level. and i mean REALLY. What if i got retained or something..?I don't think i will be because i honestly don't think in that perspective. i'm just influenced by what the pple ard me thinks. So ya. Actually, i have the confidence to pass this o'levels but failing my maths and the after effects scares me.

Today, i didn't turn up for social studies remedial because i woke up kinda late. There's no biology remedial because Mr Peterson's down in the hospital with low blood pressure- well that's what he told ruth. my whole day went away just like that. i was spending most 0f my time at raudhah's house with amira and firdy ,practising our dance for the bloody investiture. E song we're dancing is "i'm good" by blaque. We wanted to do a remix but guess most of them can't dance to that ya.
>>>>>intermission: You cannot kill what you did not create.
i donno if i'm going to suffer from malnutrition soon.. I've not been eating healthily and well since my parents went back to Sengkang. I donno. Guess i feel hungry and since no ones at home cooking, i end up eating what i grabbed: chocolates.. sweets.. carbohydrates.. or maggie.
My allowances are basically a question.I wonder if i'll survive to like have some remainders by the end of this month. I didn't spend wisely this month..
Oh ya, in the morning, I kinda bumped into Mr perfect with his gang. Going to the opposite shop to take a break and all..Honestly, i feel awkward. like i donno to smile at him or just look at the other direction. hmmmm.. what else can i say.. someone's a bugfcuker. can't understand him.
chao.Insanity.

another distracted mind..

2005-03-16T13:40:00.000+08:00

So i just g=change my blogskin.. okey.. i was listening to rasmus just now and i'm feeling all melancholic right now. Like all the thoughts about the special person just pops up and distracts me.. i just finished sms him.. okey.. i feel lost now.. amira's comin to school tml .. yeah.. Tml mumut's singh burfday.. maybe greet him only.. all e "best wishes" ya.. Love you .. muacks- an irony. okey.. now my bed seems like my coffin.. hm.. i miss my mummy.. and my dad and my sista.tml gtg school.. damn lazy.

Signing off... insanity

So fragile yet so devious..

2005-03-16T09:44:00.000+08:00

so my pure morning starts with some sprinkle of uneasy dust from the fairies..
First stop.. To school.. having English test and all...It was okey for me but still.. i don't wish to fail..oh yes.. then, we had this SC investiture rehearsal thinging..It was damn cocked up towards the bloody end.. SL wouldn't cooperate.. at least not all..Football head is going all too DAMN FUCKING COOL or should i say step cool. Pissed my vagina's off...Can't fuck anyone right now..He's a bunkface @24/7.Let me see.. he plays guitar and all.. And says words ending with " AND ALLLL...." think he's a rich man son. Datok dier siak...I dun care if dier nak be someone big but... please allow my vagina to rest in peace. The anger's stuck in my arse hole so i can shit. So in simple words... I'm sooo constipated by this freak..And he irritates my cousin.. she can't stop fuckin complaining to me.. So hey man! SHUT THE FUCK UP. oh yes.. i think i'm gonna have a chat with him this days..To amira:.. don't tell him. oh yes.. help me decorate my blog okey?...love you. and my feelings for the guy is decreasing . so ya. call me k.. i think he's out to impress someone.. oh please... Give me your pimp juice first.. let me have a taste of it..<<<<>>> yucks!!! go change your diapers baby...

my grandad's burfdae.. Yippeeeee(:

2005-03-16T07:55:00.000+08:00

so today's my grandad's burfdae.. 60 yrs old..i think.Well, just wanna lead you know that i love him loads.

are you gone?

2005-03-15T11:43:00.000+08:00

So... are you gone?... I know you know that i like you..wait a minute..I'm feeling kind of sad and lost actually..You told Raudhah that you think i tricked you in this thing..and that you won't like me.. But then...now.. I don't know.. i feel like as if something is growing..Probably iot's my sensitivity that made me feel this way.. Okey.. so we were asked to hug each other and we did..if you were here to read this..and to actually understand how i feel towards you, it'll make my life seemed easier. I don't know how you feel regarding the hug but i feel really jumpy about it.. I dont know if you feel the same.. I don't know your feelings towards me.. I dont noe if i would cry and never get up after hearing your true feelings.. I wanna noe how you feel but this fear is stopping me...What should i do?.. Should i let go of you and just shut my mind to your psuedo-humans sense? Or should i ctinue liking you and expect nothing but just the air that pass thru..This time now, i'm feeling really true and sincere bout this..I dont care what people say..Wat do i do now? wait.. i think i'll let go of you slowly..

2005-03-05T22:30:00.000+08:00

Extraordinary Girl

In an ordinary world...
and I can't seem to get away.
He lacks the courage in his mind
like a child left behind
like a pet left in the rain.
I'm all alone.
Wiping the tears from my eyes
some days he feels like dying
some days it's not worth trying
Now that they both are finding
I get so sick of crying.
I see the mirror of myself
An image I want to sell
To anyone willing to buy
He steals the image in my kiss
from my heart apocalypse
from the one called Whatsername.