this is what we call a tragedy

green.green.i love green.okey. i love blue, PURPLE.. red.. Red inks on my report book.. COLOUR.Colourful isn't it? i mean the report book that i'm gonna receive this 24th may. how loyal i am to singapore rite? red and white.. uh hum. cool *you know*(my sis likes to say this)..Sister. Farisah. i miss her. loads. wanna pinch her cheecks and sleep with her, hug her, kiss her.. eat ice cream with her. Just basically hear her speak. Sweet.

I GOT BACK ANOTHER SET OF PAPERS. with a grade on it. *sigh*(a long........one)
can i just write down wat i feel?. i dun wann asay this but. ya.i failed another subject.Geog.really surprised. well, 1/2 surprised actually. did i tell you? i probably forgot to mention this. Mdm Poon. Nice..Beautiful Mdm Poon.. have a Gd taste of fashion. sheesh. told us bout wats gonna come out for geog. Karnataka case study, history, industrialisation... I memorised THE WHOLE OF it.but WAT . WAT came out? MNC. only MNC-for the manufacturing thing.great. am i blaming her for this? possible. but it IS eventually back to me again. the map reading. i didn't study that part. so that explains why the low mark. I FAILED BY 3. 3. THREE MARKS. happy? due to mostly the map reading section. i just don't know wat to do. to cry? no? to just start bucking up(though i have) but it's till not enuf..or to just put the paper aside.. start anew.. just stop moaning bout tis. YES? is that the Way? RITE. of course that is the way. that's that.

English? it was (can't deny it) really tough. like totally.. i wasn't even putting any hopes on this paper. but look.*smiling widely* i passed. alhamdulillah.syukur to the Al- Mighty. i've got 29/50 for that paper. e highest was 30+.. so yes. i was really proud af myself , walaupun aku kalah kepada pufferfish . still..aku lulus. i can't stop thanking the Al-Mighty.

Regarding the Geog paper, mummy said "You Got The Marks You Deserved." i was a lil bit upset with her cuz i was expecting to hear words of encouragement from her.. but still, probably, as a mother, i assume she has foreseen all these. Maybe, wat she said was true. really. it was. If only i studied for the map reading, i would have passed. Bout MY ENGLISH, mummy said "good For YOU." well, i know she was expecting something higher from me...

mummy was upset.

my fears? i'm Very afraid(though i noe it's useless but still, i'm a human being, so i'm affected by it) about my maths and Social studies. If i fail my maths and social studies, that meant a really depressing state for me. and there's where the feeling of giving up and crying and depression comes in. What i meant was, i would be seeing red ink on SCIENCE, MATHS and Humanities on the report book. the Red Ink wasn't the point but the subjects that i'm going to fail makes me feel so suffocated. that means i will only pass CME and Malay and English. POA? no say. so all i can end up in(if that is the o'level) is a maid company-being a maid, or a training company for the under-aged sweepers or gabbage collectors.. wtv you call it.

Okey so wat if this is Sa1?it's proven that i haven't studied enuf or correctly rite. okey, pardon me for the part where i cracked up a lil, but.. i'm a girl. woman.. wtv u call it. i'm sensitive. women are sensitive. they think alot. they even take jokes seriously.thAT explains the cracking up thing.

i noe. i'll stop the cracking up thing and get back to reality. R.E.A.L.I.t.Y.yes..uh hum.wat i should dofrom now on?

take a nice, fun break with fwens.. chill, movies, late nites..- to just relax my chaotic hormones so that i won't be classified as "unsound mind"..
pray.pray to the Al-Mighty.
Go library, read books.
Practice TYS: Maths, english, Chemistry..
Memorised geog. i mean Malay first..
And then.. c'tinue to endure and keep up with the fast pace of life.

so yeah.. easy as it seems, i still dunno if i could have the REPONSIBLE attitude that i used to have when i was in sec2 -postion 5 in class.. and do my thing ya noe. but i have to.

"ACTION BEFORE MOOD". that's rite. from now on, i will take back my sa1 papers with no regretful feelings or whatsoever.. pure optimism that i have to feel.

okey. that's that for the life and hopes and dreams of a 15 , going to be 16 yr old student, who is currentl affected by the sinagapore's education system.